He put the roll of wrap inside the smallest box, putting that inside the big box and carrying them up the street. The thought owls still circled as I waited, watching that van: if that podcast was true and forming ‘happy human bonds’ was the only way someone like me could live a normal life, how was that going to happen if I didn’t make human connections? I wanted to go towards him. I wanted him to hug me and tell me he was happy to see me. I wanted to tell him I’d been thinking about him too, especially at night.

But was I just horny? Like on the cruise when I’d fucked that steward? Had that made everything better? No. Because it wasn’t the sex I’d wanted – it was the afterwards. The cuddle and the kissing and comfort of knowing that person would still be there the next morning and the next, on into infinity.

But people aren’t like that. They drift in and out. I like permanence and reliability and you don’t get that with humans unless they’re dead. That’s why AJ turned me on more when he was cold than he ever had warm. Coming home to him after that hen weekend to find him still blue in my bed was the most comforted I’d ever been by another person.

But as I stood there, watching The Hottest Turtle walk away with those boxes, another voice invaded the stage. A voice that overrode Rhiannon.

Give him a chance. You do deserve some happiness.

Maybe it was the after-effects of the piña colada and I was actually channelling Caro from afar, but the voice grew louder.

Don’t rely on him, but don’t suppress these feelings either. They’re trying to tell you something.

It wasn’t Caro. And it wasn’t The Man in the Moon or Dad or Ivy in utero either. It was a girl’s voice. My voice. Maybe the Me I was in that parallel universe I’m always thinking about – the Me I should have been.

‘I don’t want him to get hurt,’ I muttered. ‘If he’s with me, that’s what will happen.’

You’re a different person now. You won’t make those mistakes again.

‘It’s why I left Ivy. And why I’m glad I couldn’t go to Marnie either.’

You’d never have hurt them. You can control yourself.

‘If he hurts me like Craig did…’

Not all men… Go to him. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If not, you’ll be OK. You’ve got this far alone. You are strong.

So I did it – I walked towards the van, face carefully hidden beneath the hat, and waited for him to come back.