At the back fence, along the baseline of the lawn, went all the edibles – tomatoes, cilantro, epazote, chiles, chayote and the like. Sitting outside with the kids, a mug of real coffee in my hand, dipping our feet in the pool and laughing at the rock squirrels nibbling the sumac or watching quetzals drink from the red salvia, I fell in love with being alive. The sun warmed me through as the backs of my legs cooled against the marble. My extensions had gone, my real hair was getting longer and my fake tan had faded, replaced by one naturally browned by the Mexican sun. I allowed myself to imagine the place was mine. That this was my garden – sometimes, that these were my children.

Contentment fell down gently on my shoulders like feathers.

There was no backwards, no forwards, only this. I had to hold onto it, no matter what.

The only time I’d get angry was when Tenoch would remind me this was a stop-gap. Thoughts would start fizzing and I’d have to leave the room.

‘Shame you won’t get to see them bloom,’ he said, coming back across the pool terrace from the gym one afternoon as I was planting out some honeysuckle along the back fence.

‘What?’

‘It’ll be another month or two before they’re strong enough to go in the ground. Maybe one more month till they come through. You will be gone before they get much bigger.’

And then he just walked away. No look back, no return. Leaving me still on the homeward slide towards my doom. And the feathery cloak of happiness vanished and my heart hurt all over again.

And yet. And yet.

One morning in early February, Tenoch noticed me scratching my mosquito bites on my neck when we were having breakfast.

‘You’re driving me mad with all that scratching, gatita.’

‘I don’t have leather skin like you. I’m not used to it. What’s “gatita”?’

‘It’s just a name. Means little cat.’ He smiled and as he did, Dorothy’s mother Sophia called her ‘pussycat’ on the TV. It was like something my dad would have called me. I’d forgotten what it was like to be someone’s daughter.

See, why give me a pet name if he didn’t want me around? If he didn’t have some affection towards me? It didn’t make sense. What it did do was give me a tiny slice of hope.

A bite made its presence felt on my arm. ‘Ugh, they’re maddening.’

‘You put that cream on the shopping list, no?’

‘Yeah, I tried it, but it didn’t work. I need something stronger.’

‘There’s a pharmacy in the town. I have to go down there tomorrow for some business anyway. Why don’t you come with me? They will help you.’

‘Am I allowed to visit the town, do you think?’