She leaves, closing the door behind her, and my heart finally collapses in my chest.

I wait until I hear their voices disappear down the hallway to let the tears flow, unrelenting as they are.

I don’t know why I expected anything else. I don’t know why I got my hopes up. I don’t know why, I don’t know why, I don’t know why.

I don’t know why they can’t let me have this.

I’m not asking a lot. I’m not asking them to do anything. I want this for me, for myself. For my future.

Because it’s mine, isn’t it?

At least, it should be.

I bury my face in my pillows and take ragged breaths as sobs rack my frame. Someone knocks on my door and Samir’s voice calls, “Myra Apu? Can I come in?”

I don’t answer, instead muffling the sound of my cries as best as I can. If Samir can hear, my parents can, too. I don’t want them to think any less of me than they already do.

Samir knocks again. “Myra Apu, let me in.”

“Go away,” I say, my voice cracking. “Please. Just go.”

The knocks subside. My phone lights up with a text from Samir, but I can’t make myself read it.

It feels like something is ripping me apart from the inside out. Some kind of monster that’s slipped inside my chest and decided to ravage my insides. No matter how many painful breaths I take, I can’t get enough air inside my lungs. I’ve never felt this much heartbreak.

Everything I’ve ever known feels like it’s turning on its head. Ace’s words echo in my head: If their love comes with terms and conditions, what’s the point?

I don’t have the answer. I don’t know what the point is. All this time I thought it was my own fault, that I wasn’t doing enough as their daughter—but what haven’t I done?

Don’t I deserve to be happy, too? Don’t I deserve a family willing to try?

I’ve never felt the sting of their disapproval like this. Not only does it burn, it’s blistering over. All I feel is constant, aching, writhing sadness.

Sad isn’t the right word. Sad doesn’t even begin to cover it. Devastated is better, but still falls short.

Destroyed.

I’m destroyed.

I wish for nothing more than my grandma’s arms around me, comforting me, but she’s miles and miles away.

I’ve never felt more alone.

Why can’t I have this? Why can’t I choose the path of my own future?

What am I supposed to do now? Paste on a smile and pretend I’m happy with the decision they’ve made for me?

Pretend that the world hasn’t stopped turning?