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Back Counting Down with You Save as PDF
Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Praise
  4. Booklist
  5. Dedication
  6. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  7. Part 1
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. Part 2
  28. 20
  29. 21
  30. 22
  31. 23
  32. 24
  33. 25
  34. 26
  35. 27
  36. 28
  37. 29
  38. 30
  39. 31
  40. 32
  41. 33
  42. Part 3
  43. 34
  44. 35
  45. 36
  46. 37
  47. 38
  48. 39
  49. 40
  50. 41
  51. 42
  52. 43
  53. 44
  54. 45
  55. 46
  56. 47
  57. 48
  58. 49
  59. 50
  60. 51
  61. 52
  62. 53
  63. 54
  64. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

“Who said the song was about you?” Ace says as he places a featherlight kiss between my eyebrows. I nearly go cross-eyed trying to watch him. “It could’ve been about Spade.”

“Oh?” I raise my eyebrows at him. “Do you often write songs about your dog?”

“Perhaps,” he says, his nose brushing against mine. “Spark. Spade. Only two letters off.”

“Shut up.” I shove him away, laughing. “I can’t stand you.”

Ace nudges me. “It’s a good thing you’re sitting down.”

“You’re horrible.”

“It’s all a part of my charm.”

I consider him for a moment, from his bright eyes to the sweet dimples indenting his cheeks to his messy unruly hair that I just ran my fingers through. “Yeah,” I say, more breath than words. “It is.”

By the end of the night, I realize I’ve made the worst possible mistake ever, because I’m now terribly, terribly besotted with Ace Clyde. There’s no way to come back from this.

It’s not like I expected to like him this much—it’s not like I wanted to. But Ace is a ridiculous boy with a warm smile, and he’s so lovely sometimes that I don’t know what to do with myself. He listens to me and respects my boundaries and learns from his mistakes. It’s perplexing and addicting.

I lie in bed, staring at the poems on my ceiling. This is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. And I can’t help but feel stupid for it.

I want to be selfish for once. My parents accuse me of being selfish all the time, but this is the first time it’s ever been true. I rarely do things for myself, but I don’t want to give this up. If this is the only thing I can allow myself, if this is as brave as I can be, then I want this for as long as I can have it.

Ace is wonderful. Wonderful enough that I’m willing to ignore the possibility of doom in the future. When my parents come home, this beautiful, blossoming thing that we have might wither under the strain. It’ll become lying, hiding, and sneaking around. We both deserve better than that, but it’s all I can offer.

I’ll deceive my parents if I have to. I’ll find a way to be with Ace, even if it means doing something ridiculous, like sneaking into junior prom in a duffel bag. This isn’t something I’m willing to half-ass.

If Ace leaves, I’ll let him go. But it’s not going to be me that steps away from this, not unless I have no other choice. I want this. I want him.

I want to be happy.

39

T-MINUS 9 DAYS

The next day, I look back at the poem Ace found a while back. “Unshakeable.”