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Back Counting Down with You Save as PDF
Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Praise
  4. Booklist
  5. Dedication
  6. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  7. Part 1
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. Part 2
  28. 20
  29. 21
  30. 22
  31. 23
  32. 24
  33. 25
  34. 26
  35. 27
  36. 28
  37. 29
  38. 30
  39. 31
  40. 32
  41. 33
  42. Part 3
  43. 34
  44. 35
  45. 36
  46. 37
  47. 38
  48. 39
  49. 40
  50. 41
  51. 42
  52. 43
  53. 44
  54. 45
  55. 46
  56. 47
  57. 48
  58. 49
  59. 50
  60. 51
  61. 52
  62. 53
  63. 54
  64. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

“Uh. A pillow?” I say. I definitely prefer the pillows from Bangladesh to the ones from America. They’re much more sturdy, yet still comfortable. I didn’t think I was going to be able to ask for one with the mood they were in last time we formally spoke. “If that’s okay?”

“Of course,” my mom says, laughing. “We’ll make sure to leave room in our luggage.”

My smile is painful to hold, and I keep counting backward in my head. “Thank you.”

My dad nods. “And how’s your Dadu? Samir?”

“Good and good,” I say. Tick, tock. I really don’t want to be here when they lay down the law again. “Do you want to talk to Dadu? I’ll put her on.”

Without waiting for a reply, I slip off my bed and take the phone to my grandma’s room. She raises her eyebrows at me when I hand off my phone, but she doesn’t question it.

I go back to my room and pull out my janamaz for the Isha prayer, before I falter. I sit down, staring at the patterns woven into the prayer mat, my brain whirring. I always tell everyone my parents aren’t bad people, but sometimes I forget it, too. I’m always on edge around them, trying to please them and do what will make them proud, and sometimes I forget they’re my parents and they’re supposed to look out for me. I forget they might not love me as much as Samir, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about me at all. They wouldn’t be so invested in my success if they didn’t want me to do well.

Maybe I can try telling them again. Maybe they won’t react badly this time.

But then again, maybe they will.

44

T-MINUS 4 DAYS

Ace and I are in line at Pietra’s Sweet Tooth when Pietra squints at us from behind the counter and says, “There’s something different about you two.”

A flush starts to creep through my body. I didn’t realize Ace and I were so bad at fake dating that someone could tell the difference when we started really dating. “Maybe it’s Ace’s lack of jacket,” I say, gesturing to where it’s settled on my own shoulders.

Now that I’ve started to associate the scent of cinnamon with relaxation, it’s almost calming to wear Ace’s jacket. I think he knows, which is why he lends it to me whenever I start looking even slightly anxious.

Pietra tilts her head, looking between us. “That’s part of it, but there’s something else. I’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Karina just likes me more than she did before.” Ace pointedly pulls a lock of my hair between his fingers. “Which I’m very happy about.”