Ace texts me, more than once, telling me he misses me. My eyes burn when I read the messages, but my mind is somewhere else, fixated on a singular, terrifying thought. Should I defy my parents? Should I tell them I want to study English?

The idea has infested my mind like a disease. This past month has changed me. I can feel it in the marrow of my bones, something deeper than words can explain.

I’m different.

But I don’t know if I’m braver.

I don’t know if I can do this.

“Dadu,” I say. I’m sitting in her room as she packs for her departure tomorrow. Just thinking about it fills me with dread. “Do you think I’m a coward if I don’t tell my parents the truth?”

She stops folding a saree midway and her fingers clench around the material. “Of course not. Did someone tell you that?”

In that moment, I’m certain if someone had called me a coward—an auntie or a cousin or a random person on the street—Dadu would hunt them to the ends of the earth.

I wish that helped. I wish there was someone to blame.

“No,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. “But I feel like I’ll be one. It shouldn’t be this hard to tell them I want to be an English major.”

“No one has lived your life, Myra,” Dadu says. She loosens her grip and touches my hand. “So no one can pass judgment on you for your decisions.”

“I’ve lived my life and I can pass judgment on myself. I—I want to tell them so badly, but I’m afraid of disappointing them. I’m afraid they’ll say no. Then what will I have?”

Even the thought of them saying no feels like it’s going to kill me.

“You will have your heart,” she says fervently. “Don’t let the fear of disappointing them stop you from living your fullest life.”

“It’s terrifying,” I whisper.

Dadu sighs and sets her saree down to sit next to me. “I know. And you don’t have to do it. If you do, do it because you want to. Not because other people are telling you to. Not because you want to make someone else happy. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s your choice.”

“What if my choice is wrong?” I ask. My voice is small.

“It won’t be,” Dadu says, wrapping her arms around my shoulder. “No matter what choice you make, it will be right because it’s yours. And if, down the line, you change your mind, that’s okay, too. No matter what, I will be proud of you and I will support you, Myra.”