‘I’m sorry I’m just—is there something bothering you, Sid? Yesterday you said we’d go out but you didn’t come home. And now you are … you are … have I done something wrong?’

I try to move closer to him again. Sid slams the paper on the table.

‘For fuck’s sake—don’t you have anything else to say, to do? Why do you always have to play the dutiful fucking wife, Polly?’ he growls.

He shoves the newspaper aside and storms off into the bedroom.

I am in shock. I’ve never heard—he has never, ever—why is Sid speaking to me like this? Perhaps he is really stressed about whatever has happened at work—yes, it has to be it.

I want to follow him into the bedroom and explain but decide instead to let him be. Maybe he will calm down in a bit and then we can have a chat.

I go into the kitchen to make lunch. He ate four biscuits, he must be hungry. No matter how upset he is, there’s nothing a good chicken curry cannot fix.

I am halfway through dicing the chicken—Sid eats only boneless chicken—when he walks into the kitchen, or rather, stands at the kitchen door.

‘I won’t eat lunch, I am going out,’ Sid says and starts turning away.

‘Where are you going?’ I ask.

‘Pardon me?’ Sid asks without turning around.

‘I mean, are you going out for more work?’ I say, speaking to his back.

I think I speak to his back more than I speak to his face.

‘No,’ Sid says and walks off.

I follow him—he’s picking up his duffel bag.

‘But if it’s not work then where—I thought with Momji away we could—I had some things to discuss with you—I’m sorry if I’ve upset you,’ I say.

I try to think of a way to make him stay home. I must have irritated him with my stupid questions. I should have kept quiet.

Sid sighs loudly.

‘Whatever you had in mind, can it wait till later?’ he asks.

I nod hastily, whatever makes him happy. I don’t want him upset with me when I tell him about the baby. I want the moment to be perfect.

‘When will you be back?’ I ask hesitantly.

Sid smoothes the hair on the back of his head, he does that when he’s nervous or stressed.

‘Look Polly—I am not—I’ll try for the soonest possible, all right?’ he says.

He picks up his duffel bag and leaves the house again.

I am alone once again and very upset—each time our relationship progresses, something or the other seems to set it back.