‘I did … I did email Bipasha’s publicist about the interview, Leena,’ I say, ‘but she did not respond and—’

‘Firstly, I don’t know how you managed wherever you were working before this Polly, but incompetent, lazy, armchair journalism will not get you far with me. Secondly, even a rookie knows film stars don’t work on emails, you need to call them—’

‘I called her as well. The publicist said that since we are … since we are a new newspaper, we—’ I speak really fast trying to explain.

‘So what if we are a new newspaper? Firstly, did you tell them it’s the biggest media house publishing it? Secondly, if you knew how to convince people, Bipasha would be giving you an exclusive instead of—’

‘She wants to be on the front page,’ I say.

‘—refusing you and—what did you say?’ Comma asks, stunned.

‘The publicist said Bipasha will be happy to give me an interview but only if we put her on the front page,’ I respond.

There, now I’ve really done it. Comma cannot possibly complain about an exclusive interview from one of Bollywood’s hottest stars at the moment. However, I can never be certain with Comma; nothing upsets her more than a lost chance to put me down. I can almost see the cogs in her brain turn as she tries to find a new reason to yell at me. She finds it.

‘Well? What are we waiting for? Why haven’t you fixed a date yet? Don’t tell me you are waiting for the cows to come home?’ Comma asks.

She waits for a response from me. I am tempted not to say anything because I know that no matter what I say, she will find some fault with it. Unfortunately though, I can’t keep quiet indefinitely.

‘Bipasha wants to do the interview here, in Delhi,’ I tell Comma. ‘She has agreed to an exclusive photo shoot as well. However, she won’t be here till next week.’

Comma ‘harrumphs’ at me.

‘How convenient is that! You don’t have to do any story for this week. Very well then, kindly ensure you make the Arts and Theatre listings page. I’d also like some new recipes for the 10-Minute-Cook column on the food page. Since you have a lot of free time on your hands, kindly also edit the horoscope column. The astrologer is on leave for two weeks; kindly pull out some older predictions and rehash them. I’d also like you to make a couple of single-column fillers for various pages. You can start with a compilation of the biggest Bollywood scandals in the last two months. Kindly check in the Bin and use the older issues of Tabloid to compile your list. I hope that’s not asking too much from you,’ Comma finishes.