What’s the point, anyway? Ma never had much faith in me. When I was single, I was never good enough, smart enough or beautiful enough to snare a good catch. I wasn’t even a virgin, I was damaged goods. So she found me a husband, swore she’d kill herself if I didn’t marry him. And now that I’m married, I’m not good enough, smart enough or fertile enough to keep the good catch. Ma fears Hubby will leave me. My mother-in-law wants him to. I have a useless uterus, I’m damaged goods.

But they are both wrong. I know Hubby will stay with me because I learnt the secret of a happy marriage on my wedding night.

It had begun with my ma-in-law’s ‘how to keep my son happy’ spiel. She wanted to ‘help’ and gave me a number of typed lists. Of things he liked to eat. Of how he liked his shirts starched and ironed. And how he liked his cupboard arranged. A list of his childhood achievements she still celebrated. I could slap her then. Too bad my arms were weighed down with too much gold. I hate gold. The speech lasted twenty minutes. Then giggling girls pushed my husband into the wedding suite. There was a glass of almond milk on the bedside table. It was a traditional aphrodisiac. For the traditional fucking we were now supposed to do.

I sat on the bed with the veil over my face. I was crushing jasmine flowers under me. There were jasmine flowers hanging from the bedposts as well. I hadn’t eaten all day and the smell was nauseating. The bedsheets were cheap imitation silk. He walked in, sat beside me. I felt the mattress creak. I heard him drink the milk. He smacked his lips after he finished. I wondered if he’d kiss me first. He lifted the veil. Put a finger under my chin and asked me to look into his eyes. He had a milk-moustache. I stared at his throat instead. He laughed and called me shy.

He got up then, and started removing his clothes. I looked away. He said he wanted me to keep looking at him. He kept his vest on. There was a paan stain down the centre. He scratched at it and apologized. I nodded and stared at the stain. I tried to avoid looking at his penis/dick. He helped me out of the heavy bridal clothes. He massaged my scalp where all the hair pins had dug in. He held the makeup remover bottle while I wiped my face. I was completely naked now. He pushed me into the mattress and bit my shoulder. He pushed in hard. I thought of my first time. He pulled my hair. ‘I’d prefer if you make some noise,’ he said. I moaned.