He glances at my face, perhaps to gauge my reaction. I keep my expression neutral. I suppose Sid thinks I don’t know about Lalita and feels he needs to explain and apologize. I’ll let him do it—perhaps he’ll feel better if he talks about it. But why is he talking about her now?

‘Well, we continued dating till about … about six months before I married you. Perhaps we would have continued our relationship if it hadn’t been for her New York trip,’ Sid says.

This is news to me. So far I’d assumed their relationship had been over for quite some time before we got married. But just six months before our wedding—

‘We’d both been working for a while when she applied for a job and got it, only it was in New York. She wanted to go and I was happy for her but I wanted us to get engaged before her departure. She said she wasn’t ready for marriage but she wanted me to go with her. My work had just started kicking off for me, I didn’t want to give it up,’ Sid says and starts pacing again.

There was nothing in that box, no letter or any other communication that had prepared me for this. All along I’d been thinking that the relationship had been over for a long time.

‘I was so stupid—I pushed her for the engagement, called her names, called her selfish. She said she loved me but needed time to sort things out in her head. She broke off the relationship and left for New York,’ Sid says and closes his eyes.

I realize that it still hurts him to think about it—and it breaks my heart. How can she still have a hold on him? I hate her.

‘I was shaken up. I was heartbroken,’ Sid continues talking, his eyes still closed. ‘But most of all I was angry, absolutely livid,’ he says.

‘I wanted to punish her and I wanted to purge her from my system. Ma suggested I get married,’ Sid says softly. He sighs, pulls a chair and sits down.

The plate of biscuits is still on the table. Sid picks up a biscuit but instead of eating it, he starts breaking the edges off with his thumb. The crumbs fall on the clean table.

‘When she learnt I was to be married, she flew back for a few days—that was two months before I married you. She asked me not to marry you,’ Sid says.

I can’t process all this information fast enough, I just wait for him to say more—he seems lost in thought.

‘Why did you marry me?’ I blurt out.

Sid doesn’t answer instantly. He continues crumbling the biscuit. He glances towards me a couple of times but he stays quiet. I don’t think he is going to answer me. What the—