“Well, sort of. And even though this is Yaakov’s second marriage, I expected you to be the experienced one in this relationship.”

She shook her head miserably. “It’s not the sex. That’s been wonderful.”

“Glad to hear it!” She blushed, then smiled. “Then…?”

She lowered her voice to a whisper, looking around. “It’s the lack of sex! It’s the whole thing. The counting seven clean days after your period, the vaginal inspections, and the mikvah—that bewigged matron examining my naked body, picking off stray hairs—I could really live without that, believe me … but it isn’t even that. The worst thing, the very worst thing is…” She paused, swallowing a sob caught in her throat. “It’s that we aren’t able to touch each other, even hand each other a plate of food, or sit on the couch together, and our beds are pushed apart for almost two weeks every month. It’s driving me insane! I don’t know how much more of this I will be able to stand.” Again, the tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Wow!” Shoshana handed her another tissue. Then she sat silently, rearranging the packets of sugar.

The waitress arrived, placing their orders in front of them. The croissants smelled heavenly, as did the coffee and tea. They waited silently until the girl unpacked her tray and left. Shoshana leaned forward, sipping her drink, then crumbling the pastry before slipping only a tiny fraction into her mouth.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to say. Remember, you’re talking to a girl who’s never been married. And while I admit John and I haven’t exactly been saints, there is so much I still don’t know. Have you talked this over with Yaakov? Does he know how you feel?”

“How can I?” Leah burst out, gripping the table. “He’ll hate me. He’ll be so disappointed. It will just confirm for him everything people told him before he married me: that my religious commitment wouldn’t last, that I’d change my mind and want to go back to my secular life as soon as I figured out how hard this would be.”

“But, Leah, why now? I don’t remember you complaining about your wedding night. I’m sure it wasn’t what you were used to, but the two of you seemed to manage that all right.”

“Because we could talk about it. Because Maimonides says a man and a woman can do anything they want during the times they are permitted to be together. So everything else is custom, stringency, not halacha. Taharas hamishpacha, that’s halacha. No way around it. How can I ask Yaakov to sin?”