She equivocated, somehow losing confidence in the things she had told the girl about the origin of her own faith, which at the time she had felt to be beautiful and heartfelt. But what if it wasn’t? What if it was wrong? What if it upset him? “I don’t remember every word I said. But I know I told her I wasn’t qualified to answer her questions. That she should talk to you or to a rav.”

Was that even true? But it must be! It’s what she should have said.

He nodded, relieved, taking his place again across from her. “And what else?”

“She asked me why I’d left the secular world where I could do anything I wanted, to come to Boro Park.”

“And what did you say?”

“I told her that it was better here. I told her about all the dangerous things out there and how you were just trying to protect her. But honestly, Yaakov, your daughter needs real help. A person with psychological training who can listen to her and understand how to help her overcome her real fears before she destroys her life.”

The cold clutch of the icy hand of terror laid hold of him now. Her mother’s daughter, he thought, horrified. He couldn’t make the same mistake twice.

“You are right. She needs a psychologist. But if you say she has problems also with her faith, then it must be a frum one, someone who understands our beliefs, our way of life.”

“There has to be someone that the rabbis recommend, no? You can ask around. This would be better than punishing her, which won’t help, believe me.”

He was heartbroken at the recognition that it was not within his power to reach his own child with the burning certainty of his own deep faith, as well as frightened of the consequences of sending a young girl off to some stranger who would hear her most intimate thoughts, who would come to know her better than he, her own father. But when a person is sick, he needs a doctor, he told himself. If he had learned anything in this life, he had learned that.

19

THE RABBI-PSYCHOLOGIST

But before Yaakov could even make any inquiries, something happened that tied his hands. Or perhaps made things easier and clearer? He could not decide. He received a phone call from Shaindele’s school. Rabbi Shlomo Halpern’s secretary informed him that he and his wife and his daughter were to meet with the rabbi in his office the next day.

“But I work. I can’t take a day off just like that,” Yaakov protested to the woman, his heart sinking at what this could mean.

“Well, this is up to you. I’ll tell him,” she said without a hint of understanding or compromise. “But in that case, you should tell your daughter not to come in to school.”