I am grateful to author Varda Polak-Sahm, whose book The House of Secrets: The Hidden World of the Mikveh, published by Beacon Press, helped me discover fascinating details about the intimate rituals of Orthodox married couples. I found similar information online at heb.KabaLove.org in the published pages of the pamphlet “The Perfect Behavior of the Groom on His Wedding Night.”

I thank and acknowledge as well all the many authors who have written and published online, in magazines, and in books about the growing transition of yeshiva and kollel students leaving full-time studies to join the workforce, helping me to understand the complex emotional, religious, and psychological aspects arising from this situation.

Thanks go to my excellent editor, Anna deVries at St. Martin’s Press, for her meticulous reading and excellent suggestions, as well as to my agent, Mel Berger at William Morris Endeavor, for always being there to help, encourage, and guide.

As always, my partnership with my husband, Alex, grows stronger and more profound with every year and every book. Thank you, my love. Our fiftieth anniversary has come and gone. Looking forward to celebrating our sixtieth! Thanks also go to the four lovely children we have raised, and their wonderful spouses; and the nachas-creating machines that are my precious grandchildren (all thirteen of them—so far!), thank you for the love, laughs, pride, joy. You are, and will remain, my strongest sources of inspiration.

GLOSSARY

a broch. A curse, a plague.

a dank. Thank you.

a mentsh tracht und Gott lacht. A person plans and God laughs.

Aibishter. “The One on High,” meaning God.

assur. Forbidden.

avadeh. For sure, certainly.

aveira. A sin, transgression, offense.

ayniklach. Grandchildren.

baal teshuva. Literally, “possessor of repentance.” Refers to one who leaves a secular lifestyle to become religiously observant. baalas teshuva (feminine). baalos teshuva (feminine plural) baale teshuva (plural). Refers to penitents of both sexes. teshuva. Penitence. To repent is to “do teshuva.”

Bais Hamigdash. Temple in Jerusalem.

balabus. Literally, “house owner,” but often used in a derogatory way to indicate status: bourgeois, prosperous merchant or working class as opposed to scholar.

balabusta. Laudatory term for efficient, hardworking housewife.

bashert. One’s perfect match as ordained by God.

beheimeis. Derogatory, “Beasts!”

bekesha. Black frock coat worn by Hasidic men.

besser. Better.

bli neder. A formula that accompanies a vow used to prevent a person from swearing in vain.

broocha, also bracha. A blessing.

bulvan. A boorish, rude, coarse person.

chas v’chalilah. God forbid. Also chas v’shalom.

chasanah. A wedding.

chazzar. Pig.

cherpeh. A disgrace.

chilul HaShem. A desecration of God’s name.

chizuk. Strengthen. To give chizuk is to help strengthen someone.

cholov Yisroel. Kashrut stringency that demands a cow be milked by Jews to ensure nonkosher milk is not added.

chorbyn. Complete disaster and destruction.

choshuva. Important, highly respected.

dafka. Specifically and emphatically.

din Torah. A trial and judgment given by a rabbinical court.

emes. Truth.

eppis. Somewhat.