“You know, I think you are misjudging the situation. A lot of what goes on in the haredi world—including taharas hamishpacha—aren’t biblical laws carved in stone on Mount Sinai. They are customs or rabbinical add-ons, strictures created simply to keep a fence around the actual biblical laws. Like not touching a pen on Shabbos when the actual prohibition is not to write.”

Leah leaned back. “So does that mean we can … that there is room to navigate?”

Shoshana shrugged. “You are the two people in this relationship. It is going to be what you both decide it’s going to be.”

“But how can I ask him not to follow the laws? It’s his life. He is so scrupulous. Such a tzaddik.”

“That’s fine when it comes to personal mitzvoth. He can be as uncompromising as he wants when it comes to what he puts in his mouth to eat and the length and sincerity of his prayers. But you are talking about mitzvoth that concern the two of you. You have to decide this together.”

“I didn’t know there was anything to decide.”

“I’ll give you an example. Do you cover your hair when you are home with the children?”

“Of course!”

“Well, that is not the halacha. Jewish law says a married woman needs to cover her hair only when she goes outside the house.”

“But everyone in Boro Park covers their hair inside!”

“First of all, you don’t know that. All you know is that when someone comes to the door, their hair is covered. But what goes on inside when they are alone, you can’t know.”

“That’s true.”

“But even if every woman in Boro Park covers her hair twenty-four seven, that still doesn’t make it the halacha, and you still only have to cover your hair when you go outside.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I’m not surprised. Most baale teshuva blur the lines between law and custom and practice. But if you are finding certain things absolutely disgusting and it’s ruining your shalom bayis, you need to talk it over with your husband.”

“Or a rabbi.”

“Oh, right. Sure thing. Bring a rabbi into your bedroom!” Shoshana rolled her eyes. “But you should be prepared. Yaakov will probably want to do just that.”

“No, he won’t. We actually discussed that on our wedding night.”

“What?”

“That we should keep rabbis out of our bedroom, that what went on there should just be between us. Like leaving on a light.”

“You see? He sounds absolutely reasonable. There is no reason to be afraid of talking to him about this. Discuss with him what you can and can’t do. Compromise.”

Leah stared at her, dumbfounded, finally realizing the truth. For the first time since completely altering her life and becoming an Orthodox Jew, she felt unwilling and unable to compromise anymore. Not on this.