Elle nods. ‘Me and Abir were talking about this actually. We think that maybe we’re the ones who are growing up a bit quicker. But we can’t really help it, you know? It’s just . . . we’re more mature, I guess. You’ll get there eventually.’ She smiles, like she’s being helpful and not mega patronizing. ‘Like the games and cartoons. Maybe when you grow out of all that, other things will replace it. But you’re right. It’s not your fault. It’s just . . .’ She shrugs, not finishing her thought.

It’s just that I’m better than you. I know it’s what she’s thinking.

Elle’s wrong, so wrong. Liking games and animated films doesn’t make me immature – it means I have interests. But letting your friends get picked on by means boys is. And anyway, who says being mature has anything to do with fancying people? Not everyone has to fancy someone. Not ever, if they don’t want to.

But I don’t say any of that – I just say the one thing that needs to be said. ‘I don’t think we can be friends any more,’ I announce, and it’s like butterflies are swarming in my belly. But then they fly out of my mouth and out of the window to where Rawan and Aminah are sitting in the garden. And that’s when I leave Elle’s room for good, the monster trailing behind me.

It followed me home the day Aminah and Mama had their argument. It sits in the corner of my room and follows me around, waiting for the right moment to strike. Except it’s not a monster at all: it’s a shapeshifter. And today it’s a fairy.

Sometimes the shapeshifter is angry and hurtful, but other times it’s kind and passionate. That’s the thing about having fire inside you the way Mum and I do: once you learn to control it, it’s like having the best superpower around.

As I walk out of Elle’s house towards the hospital I put the perfume bottle back in my bag for safe-keeping. I take a glance back towards Elle’s garden, but the desert oasis has disappeared, replaced by neat hedgerows and flowers.

I think back to primary school, Elle in front, me following, as we formed a snake in the playground. Today I finally broke the link.

I don’t need Elle to lead me any more. Because I can lead myself.

Chapter 32

Before I enter Mum’s hospital room, I stop by the water filter, and pull the perfume bottle from my bag. My hands start shaking as I fill it with a drop of water, then two. Just enough.

I give the bottle a sniff. It’s diluted, but the smell is still there.

One drop. Two drops. Three.