Suddenly I don’t want to be here at all. I want Elle and me to go back to one of our houses and do homework together with a hot chocolate and snacks, instead of standing out here waiting for boys in the cold.

‘I’ve got to go,’ I mumble, so quietly I’m not sure anyone hears.

I grab my bike and pedal, pedal, pedal home.

Dad’s on his computer when I get in. ‘You’re back a bit late,’ Dad says, frowning. ‘Everything OK?’

‘Fine,’ I say, like I always used to when Mum asked about school.

Dad lets out a sigh, and I can almost see his worries floating in the air between us, like little butterflies. I watch as they drift out of the room, and Dad turns back to his computer, satisfied with my answer. If he looked a little harder, he would see that my face is swollen from crying, my eyes blotchy and red.

I don’t know why I’m crying really.

Maybe it’s because Abir laughed at Jonnie’s stupid joke about me looking like Dobby. Or maybe it’s because my best friend is being far more grown-up than I thought we both were, and she didn’t even tell me. Or maybe it’s Mum.

There are a lot of maybes to consider, and right now I miss all of Mum’s questions. If she were here, she would get to the bottom of things, and I would be able to figure out why I feel like there are rocks burrowing deep into my chest. But there’s only Dad, and he doesn’t know how to play Sherlock Investigates.

‘I’m going up,’ I say.

‘All right, love.’

I spend the rest of the night gaming, with Lady resting at my feet. As soon as I put my headphones on all of my worries disappear, and it’s like I’m transported to a different world where I don’t have to worry about Mum, or friends, or being something I’m not.

Chapter 9

It takes a lot of convincing before Dad lets me go up to Mum’s hospital room by myself again, especially after Amanda let it slip that I cried the first time. I wanted to be alone so I could dream about the house, but I feel stupid now. I’ve been here for five minutes already and nothing has happened. Maybe it was a coincidence after all . . .

But as soon as I go to stand up the shiny hospital floor is replaced by sandy concrete slabs, and when I look up I see a bright yellow sun in the sky, instead of artifical lights on a grey ceiling.