When I pull away I notice Elle glance at us and I wonder, hope, that she’s a little jealous. When we’re done talking I feel lighter. Holding everything in feels like carrying a heavy backpack to school, but instead of books and stationery, it’s spilling with secrets and updates on Mum’s condition. I haven’t told anyone about the house, though, and I don’t plan to.

‘OK,’ Izzy says when we’re done talking. ‘Now sit still, or I’ll make you look like you have a black eye.’

A few minutes later Elle calls for me across the stage. ‘You look so pretty, Saff !’ she says.

My chest swells with pride. It’s nice to have my best friend notice me. It feels a bit like the old days. Sort of.

‘She’s right, Saff, that colour suits you so much!’ Abir adds, which is uncharacteristically kind of her. I make an effort to smile at her and try to forget that she laughed at Jonnie’s joke when we went to the bike shed. Maybe I can move past it. Somehow.

‘Let’s have a look,’ I say, bouncing up and down. I’m sitting on my knees on the floor while Izzy sits cross-legged in front of me.

‘Not yet!’ she scolds. ‘You’re only allowed to see when it’s finished.’

After a moment Elle and Abir get distracted by something on their phones and the room falls silent. I’m suddenly very aware of how close Izzy is to my face, and it’s making me feel insecure.

I wonder if she notices the little dents in my cheeks from popping spots, my wonky eyebrows, or my frog-like eyes. Is she judging me? Collecting my insecurities only to throw them back at me like Jonnie did the other day?

But Izzy frowned at him, didn’t she? She didn’t laugh the way Abir did.

‘Do you want to do this sort of thing when you grow up?’ I ask, if only to distract myself from the bad thoughts.

Izzy looks into my eyes for a second. ‘No. I mean, I enjoy doing it, but I prefer drawing.’

‘What kind of things? Like, pirate ships or apples?’

Izzy laughs. ‘Um . . . characters.’ She almost whispers it. I have a feeling it’s because she doesn’t want the others to hear. ‘I didn’t really have any friends when I joined secondary school, so I just . . . drew them. Stupid, huh?’

I feel something flutter in my chest. I was so busy being protective of Elle that I never thought about what it would be like not to have a best friend.