It’s weird being bullied by a white kid when you’re black. Well, half black. Both my parents were half black, so that gave me two halves. I was brown enough to be considered not white. Being bullied by someone who was white often felt racial, but that was something I was afraid to say out loud. I went to my bedroom and grabbed the stash of chocolate bars in my desk. There were two of them. I wasn’t hungry, but I was stressed, and I ate them. Food was very relaxing, but that was my problem. It was too relaxing — 280 pounds too relaxing. I had a difficult relationship with food. I knew I should have cut back on what I ate, but being at school and being bullied by Lewis had taken everything out of me. Food was safety, security. It made me feel full when I felt lonely.

“What are you going to do, Adrian?” I asked myself while lying in my bed with a full stomach.

Shortly after I had said this, I heard cheering from somewhere. It was coming from my parents’ room. I went to investigate the noise and realized that my dad must have left the TV on while I was at school. There was a mixed martial arts event on TV, and I heard an announcer almost falling out of his seat as he spoke.

“Matt Burner knocked out his opponent in the first thirty seconds of round two!”

I’d always liked martial arts. There was something beautiful in the discipline. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was pretty wonderful to watch. The fighters were always in such great shape, too. It made me wonder if it might be a good way to lose weight. In the past, my dad would watch documentaries of mixed martial artists and what they went through daily. It wasn’t pretty. They spent a lot of time on the ground practising submission moves and dangerous holds. Being my size, I’d be afraid of crushing somebody. I kept that idea in my head and went online to search for different martial arts gyms.

Wrestling was off limits for me. I felt uncomfortable getting on top of someone or letting someone get on top of me. Same with Judo. There were a few local places that taught Judo, but I didn’t like the idea of being flipped or flipping someone else. Donny did Judo when we were kids. He made it pretty far and then quit to pursue guitar lessons. I eventually came across a cool place called King’s Kickboxing, and it was located in the North End of Halifax so it couldn’t have been too far from my neighbourhood. Kickboxing seemed really cool. The ad looked pretty badass: it had a caged fence in the background and giant gold font that said, “Stay Ready & In Shape.” I was super nervous when I thought about joining, though. What would my mom think? I still hadn’t come up with a plausible excuse I could use about my eye. I tripped while walking to the bus? I fell in the weight room in gym class?