“And what about every other aspect of your life, Jack? How about your friends? your family? What about all the other women you’ve been linked to in the past? How is all that going? You exert a fair amount of control over them? over their existence and the way it affects you and your life?”

I wanted to deck him. “What’s your point, Greg?”

“My point, Jack, is that you have long enjoyed the illusion that you were the captain of the ship, but in reality you’ve been lucky that your dreams and desires have, for the most part, lined up with what has actually happened. You’ve had very little control, Jack, but you’re afraid of giving that up, because you’re afraid that God may want different things for you than what you want for you. Sure, God can have control as long as His plans and yours match up. But you’re not ready for the possibility that your life is not what God has in mind for you and that He might ask you to leave it.”

As usual, he was right. How did he do that?

Greg leaned toward me, elbows on knees, staring me down. “If you were honest about giving Jesus your soul, then your eternity is sealed. All that’s left now is to make this life count for as much as it possibly can. And I’m not saying He’s going to yank you out of filmmaking; it’s an industry that could definitely use someone like you. But it may be that He has other things lined up, and while that’s a scary thing to admit, it’s also exciting to think that your life could be even more effective, even more productive, than it is now, and that what you do with it will last far beyond you and have an impact you can’t even imagine.”

He stood and clapped me on the shoulder as he moved for the door. “Stick around and think as long as you want,” he said. “I’d stay, but I’m getting the feeling you need to think alone for a while and hash all this out with God.” His office door closed behind him, and I stared out his window to the parking lot and the field beyond, not really seeing them, but trying to decide how much of what he had said I believed.

GRACE

I PRAYED ALL WEEKEND that I would feel better by Christmas Eve, and as Tuesday morning dawned I found myself much improved. I’d slept soundly for the first night in almost a week, and awoke with energy and excitement about the holiday—and Jack.