Joy and Taylor whooped as I shrugged and tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, mostly because I desperately didn’t want it to be a big deal. It would be, after all, the fourth time we’d hung out. How long would it be before it wasn’t such big news?

“Just to see the city, not for any fancy stuff,” I explained as I played with the remainder of my dinner.

“What’s with you two, anyway?” Joy finally asked. “Are you guys dating?”

I shrugged and waved my fork. “We’re hanging out. That’s it. No agenda, just trying to get to know each other like two normal people.”

“You still don’t think he’ll want to date?”

I chose my words carefully, being sure not to commit to anything one way or the other. “Does it really matter if he wants to or not?”

It worked. “Wow. I’m impressed,” Taylor sighed as she rearranged the food on her plate. “I don’t think I’d have that much willpower. Although I know someone who converted her boyfriend, so I guess it can work sometimes. But what if it didn’t? That would be heartbreaking.”

“Or worse—what if they dragged you down, away from your faith?” Joy added.

I frowned, confused. “Why would that happen?”

“Well, for example, if he doesn’t want to go to church with you and thinks you’re wasting your time there, maybe you’ll eventually stop going so it doesn’t annoy him. And then pretty soon you stop hanging out with your Christian friends because he complains that they’re boring or too religious or something … and then soon you don’t have anyone to help you stay strong in your faith, and you’re just trying to keep the peace, and then eventually you drift away altogether.” She shrugged. “Just one possibility.”

I hadn’t actually considered that. Somewhere in the back of my mind little red flags were beginning to wave, but I decided I would simply not allow such a thing to happen to me.

How blind I was not even to realize it had already begun.

JACK

THERE WAS DEFINITELY a change in Grace starting that evening at her house. It didn’t take long before kissing was just a warmup for later activities, and though I never asked her to actually sleep with me, we definitely explored the gamut of intimacy. It was the first time since Dianne that I’d felt like I actually loved a woman I wanted to sleep with, and I didn’t want to jeopardize anything. I didn’t think religious people would be okay with what we were doing, but she seemed okay with it, so I figured there must be some exceptions I wasn’t aware of. Religions were always filled with crazy rules that didn’t make sense; maybe there were some crazy exceptions as well.