“Jack,” I said. Great; now that I’d started a sentence I’d have to end it. He waited for me to continue, expectancy on his face. I sighed and frowned and rubbed my forehead; it hurt to think. “I’m sorry,” I finally said. “You must think I don’t … that this is no big deal to me or something. That’s not true at all. This is amazing. Completely amazing. But also completely unexpected. That’s why I’m so … ” I shrugged. “I just don’t know how to react. Because you’re right, this does change things. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that change.” I stole a glance at him, having averted my eyes and focused instead on the ends of my sweatshirt sleeves bunched together in my fists. I was afraid to look at him for too long.

I could see him nodding out of my peripheral vision. He sat back in the chair and blew out a sigh through rounded lips. “I guess I thought we’d just pick up where we’d left off,” he admitted.

“Is that why you did it?”

Silence for a moment. I feared he would say yes, that the whole thing was a hoax to get back into my good graces. Please, God, let it be real, I begged.

“N-no.

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“Well, I’m not, entirely. But I know that it wasn’t you I was thinking about when I made the decision. No offense.”

I laughed. “None taken.” I smiled at him. He smiled back. He still looked sad, but some of the tension was gone now.

His voice was low, soft as suede. “Grace, I still want to try to make this work. The God thing was in the way before, and I understand now why you had to end it and why it wouldn’t have worked. But I get it now, and I believe it, and … well, now were on the same page. Isn’t that enough?”

The weight of his stare was like being buried under quilts and blankets, suffocating and hot. Everything I’d worked on over the past six months, listening to God, seeking out the direction He had laid out for me, learning and reading and trying my level best to be what He wanted me to be, were put to the test in the asking of this one simple question. Was this what God wanted for me? Was it really enough that he believed what I believed? I wanted it to be; more than anything I wanted for God to nod and give me the thumbs-up, a wink and a smile and a gentle nudge. But I knew better than to expect anything like that.

“What will Kate say, when you tell her?” I forced myself to look at him, to continue to look at him as he thought and responded.