She hugged Jack and me and moved for the door. “Grace, call me if you need anything,” she said as she shrugged into her jacket. “Jack, congratulations.” She smiled, gave a little wave, disappeared out the door, and crossed the balcony to the stairs. I watched her until she was out of sight, and kept staring out the window until I could hear her car start and back out. I didn’t want to look at Jack; I didn’t want to talk about anything. How unfair that he should be the one to finally see the depraved condition of his soul but that I would be the one suffering the guilt!

An awkward silence settled around us. I forced a yawn, then a weak cough; maybe he would have mercy on me in my frail condition and leave so I could sleep. But no. He remained, and I wracked my brain for a way to segue into the inevitable conversation that lay waiting for us.

“So now what?” The words were out before I could actually decide whether or not they were suitable. As good as any, I figured. At least we could cut to the chase.

He chuckled. “Well,” he said, leaning forward, elbows on knees, hands clasped in a businesslike manner, “I don’t know. Any ideas?”

I shook my head and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

More silence. What to say? Where to go with all this? The suspense was unbearable, but the conversation required to get to the bottom of it all was just as bad. I tried to remember what had happened when I told Missy and the others I’d made my decision about God. What had been their reaction? What did they say? I was at a loss.

“I guess this changes things a lot, doesn’t it?” he asked in a halting sort of way. I’d been staring into that middle distance, and when I finally focused on him, I saw he’d lost the glow he’d had when I’d first come out of the bedroom. Now he stared down at his hands looking almost worried. I wanted to ease his mind, but I didn’t know how or even if I should. I’d never seen him unsure; angry, yes, hurt and confused, yes, but even in those times he had retained a kind of control and sureness that seemed to hold him together. But this was different, and I ached knowing my blank face and virtual silence were the cause.