“I did, but . . .” She almost laughs, or sobs. “But then, this one time, he didn’t come. And I thought, okay, that’s it. He’s not ever going to come again. And I knew I shouldn’t be so broken up about it. Dad is such a small part of our lives, and I told myself I didn’t care. But it upset me, him not coming. And this boy was there, and he kind of offered, and I felt so bad about Dad. I just wanted to feel better. I wanted to feel good. So I did it.”

I nod. Of course I know exactly what she means. It’s possible that she and I, in spite of our differences, are cut from the same cloth.

“The second time was even worse. I got drunk at a party. I wasn’t so drunk that I passed out, or I didn’t really know what was happening, but . . . I wouldn’t have gone through with it, if I’d been sober. And there was no condom and I was so scared after. Oh my god. So scared.”

I remember the train ride we’d taken to the Planned Parenthood for Plan B. Afton hadn’t seemed scared. She’d just seemed pissed off that all of that was necessary.

“So that’s why you tried to warn me, when I was talking about having sex with Leo.”

“Yeah. After that I just felt kind of gross about sex. Until Logan. It was good with Logan. Because I loved him. That’s the thing, Ada. If you don’t love the guy, sex can complicate things in a bad way. And you didn’t love Leo.”

“No,” I admit, easily now. “I didn’t.”

“I loved Logan. But then that fell apart, too, and I was right back where I started. It’s like I didn’t even remember my own advice. I heard that Michael wasn’t coming, and I felt disappointed, and then I found out he was coming, and I thought, he’s cute, and he’s funny, and he knows me so it’s safer than it would be with a stranger, and if I have sex with him, maybe I’ll feel something else besides heartbroken. But it didn’t work.” She sniffles. “Of course it didn’t work. If anything, it made me feel worse. And then you saw us, and you thought I was Mom. I wanted to tell you the truth—I swear I did—but I was too ashamed of myself. If I said it was me, it’d be like I was just as bad as you thought Mom was.”

“Well, not just as bad,” I say reluctantly. “Michael’s not married. And you didn’t force him to cheat on his girlfriend. He did that all by himself.”