BooksBarbecue
Back When We Were Friends
Chapters (52)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. About the Author
  5. 31
  6. 14
  7. 31
  8. 14
  9. 31
  10. 14
  11. 31
  12. 14
  13. 31
  14. 15
  15. 31
  16. 16
  17. 32
  18. 16
  19. 32
  20. 17
  21. 32
  22. 17
  23. 32
  24. 17
  25. 32
  26. 17
  27. 32
  28. 18
  29. 32
  30. 18
  31. 32
  32. 18
  33. 32
  34. 18
  35. 32
  36. 18
  37. 32
  38. 18
  39. 32
  40. 18
  41. 32
  42. 18
  43. 32
  44. 18
  45. 32
  46. 32
  47. 33
  48. 33
  49. 33
  50. Acknowledgments
  51. Discussion Questions
  52. Booklist

“Bless you, but Fridays are the only night she’s allowed potato smiley faces. Bridget will scream the place down if I renege on such a promise.”

Ben laughed heartily and I wanted to smack him. But, instead, made myself go over and hug Jessica. “Shall we get a coffee or something this weekend?” I offered—mostly out of guilt at my own thoughts.

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

I watched her gather her stuff, and Ben, slightly tipsy, came and held me from behind, kissed the top of my head. The second he did it, I felt much better.

“Right, Bridget, come on, potato smiley face time.”

Her child arrived so quickly in the doorway she was like a cartoon. “HOW MANY CAN I HAVE?” she asked, climbing Jessica’s limbs, and we all laughed again. Ben remembered it was his turn to cook and started collecting pans out of the drawer, making clattering noises, as I went to walk them out. Just as we got into the communal corridor, a thought occurred.

“Jessica?”

She turned back, Bridget’s small hand in hers. “Yep?”

“What did you want? I mean, why did you come over? Is everything OK?”

And I swear, there was a tiny moment’s hesitation. Her eyes went wide as she searched for an answer. One that would’ve come quickly if she was telling the truth. Instinct curdled my stomach, my hands shaking slightly. Paranoia descending once more. “Oh, I just wanted to see if you fancied a coffee this weekend.” Her delivery was perfect. Breezy. Seamless. “But, as you just asked... Can’t wait. Do you want to try that new place in Hackney Wick where the coffee comes from fermented poo?”

I laughed once more through my discomfort. “I mean, no, but also, yes.”

“I’ll message you.”

As I closed the door behind them, my hackles were up. Ben, oblivious, wrapped his arms around me when I found him in the kitchen. “That was nice,” he said, neutrally. “It’s good to get to know your friends better.”

He kissed the top of my head. He was right. It should be nice. Why didn’t it feel nice? Why didn’t it feel like the time we went on holiday with Heather and Katie, and they’d all stayed up drinking without me? I’d fallen asleep smiling, hearing her rant at Ben through the floorboards of the Airbnb, lecturing him on the ethical issues of surrogacy.

I leaned up and kissed him back, knowing I’d spend the whole weekend obsessing over this. “Yes,” I said. “Really nice.”

18

september—november 2004

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Can’t believe I’m a fresher!!!!????

Hi Jessica,

How are you? I miss you! You feel so far away. I sort of hate it.