My fingers shook as I removed my dress. I stared at the ground. I didn’t want to see anyone’s expression. Their fear would only increase mine. Soon the mat was in front of me, and I did what I was supposed to without being told. I laid my body across the mat and placed my arms at my sides. Every muscle twitched with the desire to move as they rolled me into the blanket. My ears rang. They flipped me around. Abner’s face hovered above mine, his smile wide, eyes glinting.

“You’ll be okay,” he mouthed.

And then the black sheet was over my head. I stifled the urge to scream. The hard part hadn’t even begun. My fingers curled into fists, nails digging into my palms.

“Today I declare—behold, I make all things new,” Abner announced. “Unless someone is born again, they cannot see the kingdom.”

My eyes throbbed. Red blotches filled my line of vision. The pressure started. It compressed my chest, making it harder to breathe. I tried to move away, but it was useless. The blanket bound me like I was tied with rope. My head pounded with panic, threatening to explode and shatter pieces of me against the sheet.

“The labor pains are beginning. Come, help her as she moves into this transition.”

The pressure was everywhere. No part of my body was free. They pushed down. Harder and harder. A primal scream violently exploded from me. It did nothing. They kept pushing. They wouldn’t stop.

“Renounce your old life! Renounce your old life!” Their chants filled my ears. “Prove your worthiness to the Lord!”

I kicked and flailed wildly, desperately trying to break free. My body writhed back and forth. There wasn’t enough air. Every cell in my body screamed for oxygen.

“Find the light. Move toward the light.” Abner’s voice cut into my fear.

I wasn’t strong enough. I felt myself departing, my brain detaching from my body, floating. Black seeped into the edge of my vision. All their sounds melded into a big blur in my head, ran together. They were right next to me, so close, but I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t feel them anymore either. My body was light. I was floating above the black, watching myself as I struggled. Abner was there, too, standing next to me as he watched himself pushing on my body.

“Don’t fight,” he whispered in my ear before gently pushing me back into my body.

I forced myself to be calm inside the walls of my skin. And then I saw it. A pinprick of light, ever so small, but it was there in front of me, to the right. If I could just get my arm to it, I could stick my finger through.