Chapters (48)
- TITLE PAGE
- COPYRIGHT
- CONTENTS
- PROLOGUE
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
“I haven’t heard music in . . .” She was still having a hard time remembering what year it was, and it took her a second to remember and work out the math. “Eleven years.”
“You haven’t heard music in eleven years?”
She nodded. “Or taken a warm shower.”
“What? Are you kidding me?” I set my violin on top of the dresser and raced over to the bed to take a seat next to her.
“We only used hot water to cook. Cold water for everything else.”
“That’s awful. You didn’t have any electricity or what?”
“We heated our water to cook and had generators that we could’ve used to heat our bathwater, but we chose not to.”
“Oh my gosh, why would you punish yourself like that?”
Mom giggled. This time she didn’t slap her hand over her mouth quite so quickly. “It was part of our daily penance.”
“Huh?”
“It was a way of reminding ourselves of our wicked nature and denying our bodies’ appetites for pleasure,” she explained.
“Like sleeping on the floor instead of the bed?”
“Yes, we do daily penance to prove our worthiness to the Lord.” The recitation of the words did something to her as she spoke. Darkness clouded her face, and something about the memory snuffed out her light, like she was a candle being blown out.
“Mom?” I put my arm on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms like she was cold. She refused to return my stare. “I’m getting a headache. I think I better go to bed.”
KATE
THEN
Today was my day. I’d volunteered to go next. We’d been doing a rebirthing ceremony every few days. We could only do one a day because we needed to rest in between them, since they drained so much from us. I stood in front of the tent while Abner made final preparations.
I didn’t sleep at all last night, and my stomach was too twisted to eat anything for breakfast. I was drenched in sweat, and nothing had even happened yet. Vomit kept rising in my throat, and I swallowed it back down forcibly while I waited to begin. My head spun.
Breathe, Kate. Breathe.
I could do this. I had to do this.
Abner began reciting the familiar script, but his words didn’t reach my ears, even though I was standing next to him. Fear had taken over, stripping every thought.
His voice broke in. “It’s time to get naked before God.”