“Oh, it’s our privacy that you’re worried about? You are one with a full heart.” I thought I’d seen all sides of Ray, but I’d never seen this one. I didn’t like him. Not even a little.

“You can’t be serious.” His voice wavered with nerves.

“You were the one who was serious, my friend. The only person in the crowd tonight who raised his hand and assured us that he would die for our beliefs. You all heard him, didn’t you?” Ray turned his attention to us, like he often did when he was working with someone. He depended on us to serve as his mirror, but this was uncharted territory. “There you go. So now what are you going to do? Did you mean it, or were you just blowing smoke up our ass to impress us?”

Kevin’s face crumpled. I’d seen Ray reduce men to tears numerous times, but something about this one was especially crushing. Maybe it was because of the pure childlike hurt that filled Kevin’s being at having displeased Ray.

Kevin stood rooted to his spot, his eyes downcast. “You’re not going to do it, are you? You really aren’t willing to die for your beliefs.” Ray pushed him gently forward. “Go sit down.”

Kevin hung his head as he walked back to his seat. We moved aside like we’d done before, but our words of encouragement were gone, and silence filled the space.

“Most of you have never felt that strongly about something, even if you say you have. Perhaps you may have felt it about your child or a loved one, but a belief?” He shook his head. “Not a chance. Guess what, though? Others are willing to die for their cause. They wear suicide vests and pull the trigger to blow themselves up. We look at them like they’re crazy, just like everyone else in our society does, but, really, they believe so strongly in their God’s purpose that they’re willing to die for it.” The world thrummed around him. Vibrant colors danced off him. “Have you ever been that committed to something? Had that much faith? Imagine how that would change your life if you did. That’s the kind of faith that moves mountains, parts the Red Sea.”

I’d never met anyone who had that kind of faith. Definitely not me.

“I don’t know about you, but I’d like to have that kind of faith. I’d like to be so convinced of it that I was willing to blow myself up on account of it.” There was movement in the masses. People stood up, trying to get out. “I see you leaving.” He called out to them. “Every one of you. And you.” He pointed to the man who had pledged to donate the inheritance he’d received to a charity organization working with children with rare endocrine cancers. Next he pointed to the group of yoga instructors holding on to each other as they tried not to step on anyone as they left. “And you. Lastly, you.” His finger stopped on one of the only families to attend this retreat. Most children had stayed home. “This message is not for everyone. If there’s anyone else who can’t handle it, then please”—he made a rising motion with both hands—“get up. Don’t stay. Follow them out.” He waved. “Go. Please go. You are not the ones the Lord is searching for.”