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Back When She Returned Save as PDF
Chapters (48)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. COPYRIGHT
  3. CONTENTS
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. ONE
  6. TWO
  7. THREE
  8. FOUR
  9. FIVE
  10. SIX
  11. SEVEN
  12. EIGHT
  13. NINE
  14. TEN
  15. ELEVEN
  16. TWELVE
  17. THIRTEEN
  18. FOURTEEN
  19. FIFTEEN
  20. SIXTEEN
  21. SEVENTEEN
  22. EIGHTEEN
  23. NINETEEN
  24. TWENTY
  25. TWENTY-ONE
  26. TWENTY-TWO
  27. TWENTY-THREE
  28. TWENTY-FOUR
  29. TWENTY-FIVE
  30. TWENTY-SIX
  31. TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. TWENTY-NINE
  34. THIRTY
  35. THIRTY-ONE
  36. THIRTY-TWO
  37. THIRTY-THREE
  38. THIRTY-FOUR
  39. THIRTY-FIVE
  40. THIRTY-SIX
  41. THIRTY-SEVEN
  42. THIRTY-EIGHT
  43. THIRTY-NINE
  44. FORTY
  45. FORTY-ONE
  46. FORTY-TWO
  47. FORTY-THREE
  48. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

“I can’t even imagine how much this hurts,” she whispered, even though we were the only two in the cabin, and there was no one around to hear us. “Remember that you’re giving up so much more than most of us, so think about how much more you will gain as a result.”

She’d been saying the same thing for the last two days. It didn’t help. The pain of losing my family felt like it would never end.

“Move over,” she said, and I lifted the blanket so she could slide underneath. She pulled me next to her, wrapping her arms tightly around me. “Shh . . . shhhh . . . you’re okay,” she said over and over again in the same voice you’d use to soothe a crying baby. I clung to her, sobbing into her chest.

“I can’t do this without them. I can’t,” I cried.

“Yes, you can.” She ran her hands through my hair. “You’ve been doing this without them. For months probably. You’re stronger than you know.”

I shook my head. “I’m weak, so weak.” Their faces were my last images before falling asleep each night and my first thought each morning. That would never leave. How could it? Knowing I’d be with them again had gotten me through so many difficult moments during my training.

“No matter how hard this might be, it’s your last step in letting go of your worldly attachments, and you have no idea how much freedom you’ll experience once you’re on the other side of this,” she said.

Her words pierced me like knives. Scott and Abbi were more than earthly attachments. They were my heart living and breathing outside of my body, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to exist in any kind of world that didn’t include them. I wished discipleship had asked me to give up my physical life. That would have been easier than this.

TWENTY-ONE

TWENTY-ONE

MEREDITH

NOW

Kate sprang out of the chair and raced toward Abbi after she came through the door with Dean. Her shoulders shook with sobs. She kept pushing Abbi out to arm’s length, like she was checking to make sure she was unharmed before pulling her back into a tight hug. Scott walked up to them and made sure Abbi wasn’t still mad at him before circling his arms around them.

“Abbi, please don’t do that again. We were terrified.” Kate spoke to her like a mother for the first time. I glanced at Scott to see if he’d noticed. He’d caught it too. He was staring at her with such intense longing that I had to look away. Within seconds, Kate was crying again. “I’m sorry, Abbi. I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s okay, Mom.” Abbi’s voice wavered as she tried to be strong for her.