Eloise is annoyed again. “Do I really know you, Helen? Do I know anything about you anymore? Apparently you and her have been spending loads of time together. Sleepovers and everything, she says. Tell me, do you share the same bed when you’re together? That’s sounds… cosy. Frankly, I worry about what you’ve been thinking about me all this time, if you’ve been watching me change at school, staring at me naked. If word got around school about this, you’d be finished.”

El is now making me sound like a pervert. Her eyes are blazing with fury and in that moment I know that our long friendship would not stop her ruining me in a second. Her need to be top dog, to be right, means she would spread it around the school before I could blink. I can already imagine her telling everyone she caught me spying on her in the showers, that I tried something on with her, even assaulted her. I’ve known her for long enough to know she would happily lie if it served her cause. I can picture it now. The whispering, the endless comments, notes through my locker and snide remarks as I walk past, sitting alone at lunchtime as everyone laughs and jeers.

“Come on, Jason. I think you and I need some time alone, don’t you?” I say suddenly with a pointed look at Eloise.

I don’t know what I’m doing, but my head is telling me to show her, show them all. I grab his hand and pull him from the pool. Eloise watches me, smiling knowingly, challenging me, as though she thinks I won’t go through with it.

I lead him like a puppy from the pool house into the cold air outside. It slaps into me, my body responding with aching goosebumps. I guide him over to the bench in the garden. He is practically panting. I push him onto the bench and straddle his lap, letting him touch me, kiss me. His hands grapple at my bikini straps, pull at my bikini bottoms, his surprise and delight making him clumsy and rough.

I’m glad of the darkness. I don’t want to think he can see me. I don’t want to think anyone can see me. But I have a feeling we are being watched.

The house is glaring at me over my shoulder, the windows wide and unblinking.

I keep my eyes closed. I want the black night to swallow me whole.

I empty my mind, try to take myself away from this place, this moment. I can feel his insistent hands on me, smell the stale beer on his breath. I shudder at the feel of him on my skin. He mistakes it as a sign to carry on.