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Chapters (56)
  1. Cover
  2. Also by Dawn Goodwin
  3. WHAT I NEVER TOLD YOU
  4. Copyright
  5. Contents
  6. Dedication
  7. Prologue
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. 25
  33. 26
  34. 27
  35. 28
  36. 29
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. 33
  41. 34
  42. 35
  43. 36
  44. 37
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. Acknowledgements
  55. About the Author
  56. An Invitation from the Publisher

She was about to head into Mills’ room when she heard a noise downstairs.

She turned and rushed out of the room, hoping it was Clive coming to find her.

Someone was in the kitchen.

She peered around the door. Mills was leaning on the kitchen table, her hands splayed, a tote bag in front of her. Clive was at her feet, peering up at her in adoration. She turned when she heard Helen behind her.

Mills pulled a shoebox from the bag, shoved it towards Helen.

Helen said nothing, just reached out with a trembling hand.

“But before we talk about that, there’s something you need to see. In the pool house.”

“I’m going there anyway – to meet Diana like we planned,” Helen said, confused.

“Someone else got there first.”

36

THEN

Friday is a fizz of excitement. We sit in the canteen, the air around us humming as we talk plans, details, what each of us will wear. The boys saunter over and join in, talking about bringing beer and beach balls, discussing the possibility of a girls vs boys volleyball tournament. Eloise looks like she’d rather pull out her own fingernails than splash around with a volleyball in the pool, but she smiles half-heartedly at Brian anyway.

I look over as Tracey walks into the canteen with Tina. She has been spending more and more time with her this week since I’ve been so distant and monopolised by Eloise. I can hear her laugh at something Tina has said and I want to know what it is. My ears are buzzing, like there is a bee stuck deep down that is wrestling to get free.

I should maybe lay off my mother’s pills for a bit as I’m struggling to concentrate on any one thing. My mind jumps around, jittery, easily spooked, and I find myself twitching and looking over my shoulder, expecting someone to be right behind me when they aren’t or staring at a shape in the corner of the room, knowing it is someone watching me, only to realise it is a coat or a shadow, but not before my hands are visibly shaking and my breath is coming in short, sharp gasps.

I’ve kept some distance from Tracey because I think she will notice and probably disapprove. Eloise, Emily and Steph haven’t noticed anything other than that I am looking thinner. El actually told me I looked great yesterday and that filled me with warmth that spread from my toes and stayed with me for the rest of the day. Sad.

When I did bump into Tracey, she told me I looked tired.

“Oh god, Tracey is coming over with that weirdo, Tina. You know, from English. She’s like a mouse. I could squash her,” Eloise says and scowls into her green salad.

I look up and see that Tracey and Tina are weaving between the tables towards us.