First, he wanted something he could tell random strangers who asked about his arm, so he made up a story that sounded much cooler than the birth injury he had actually suffered. The new story involved a pit bull and chair throwing, and he made sure to tell it so bombastically that no one would question its veracity.

Then, he began committing himself to things he didn’t really want to do, but which would push him to be more extroverted. He decided to study abroad in Japan, a decision he was terrified by. Every time he thought about backing out, he reminded himself that the deposit was already spent.

Not long after, he signed up to give a presentation before an audience of four hundred, then began convincing himself he loved speaking in front of other people. Whenever fear flooded his mind, he would tell himself, “You love public speaking, remember?”

Somehow, this strategy cured Curt of his shyness. He still finds prolonged social interactions to be slightly exhausting, but he now regularly gives talks for his job as a computer scientist.

Years ago, before he got married, he decided to join some online dating apps, despite his occasional fear that he wasn’t very “dateable.” He made a joke about his arm in his dating profile: “If the ability to do the monkey bars is one of your criteria for a potential partner, you should probably pass me up.” Some women didn’t even notice it until the second date.

Curt would also make an effort to go out by himself and meet new people—typically every introvert’s nightmare. He would find a bar that’s slow, then talk to the bartender. One time, the bartender’s friends came in, and he wound up hanging out with them all night. These solo journeys are how he’s ended up, on occasion, at house parties with complete strangers, the belle of a ball he didn’t even know about when the evening began.

Curt acknowledges that this strategy of melting down your personality like chocolate and remodeling it into a soaring new centerpiece…might not work for everyone. But if people want to change something about themselves and are willing to try, he thinks they should. “I was totally uncomfortable,” he said, “until I suddenly wasn’t.”