Unfortunately, though, when people stop being weird, these benefits go away. When people who were once in the minority become the majority, research shows they become more closed-minded.256 This, perhaps, explains groups like the Puritans, who went from being radical dissidents to literal witch-hunters within just a few decades. Weirdness has its perks, but nothing is weird forever.

Chapter 6

Truth

In Russian, interesting facial features are sometimes referred to as izuminka, or “little raisin.” The English translations for this term include “highlight,” “zest,” and my favorite, “bewitching little detail.” (Of course, it also means “dried grape.”) I’m not sure of the etymology, but there is, indeed, something about a raisin that conjures a small beauty mark. The word has always reminded me of the hidden value of uniqueness. In dark moments, like when I’m staring at a Google-image-search page of nose-job photos, it’s nice to remember that maybe there is a silver lining—a highlight—to be found in unusualness.

Unique traits are our calling cards. They are the bewitching little details that captivate and charm. In psychology, the “bizarreness effect” holds that odd things are more memorable. When study participants read lists of sentences that were either normal—“The maid spilled ammonia on the table”—or bizarre—“The maid licked ammonia off the table,” they were able to recall the strange items more easily later on.257 Strange and funny things stand out from the other detritus in our memory banks,258 and they are therefore top-of-mind when it comes time to recall them. We see evidence of this concept in the romantic realm, too: in a study259 that was structured a little like a dating site, both men and women preferred nonconformist partners who “stand out from the crowd.” Meanwhile, across three continents, nonconformists reported more success and satisfaction in dating.260

Being different, in other words, can help you stand out in a positive way. And as the people we’ll meet in this chapter found, doing something different can help you find your true calling, your true self—and even true love.

One November day in 1997, Terri Muir, a twenty-nine-year-old schoolteacher on Vancouver Island, was using her dad’s computer to research a family vacation when she saw a banner ad for a site called Match.com. Vancouver Island is a visually striking but somewhat secluded strip of land off the west coast of Canada, and it was hard for Terri to find dates there. Intrigued by the possibility of meeting people from other parts of the world, she signed up for Match that night.

The very same evening, a twenty-eight-year-old steel broker in Portland, Oregon, named Tom Buckley had just gotten back from a Thanksgiving dinner that was made somewhat awkward by the fact that he was the only single adult in attendance. He saw the same Match.com ad, and he clicked on it.