Julia’s father loves racing and still pitches in as a spotter for her during some races. All throughout the weekend of the Bowmanville race, Julia’s parents and Glenn, her former coach, surrounded her, like the Secret Service jogging with the president.

That description might strike some as reminiscent of helicopter parents, the ones who just can’t bear to eject themselves from college dorm rooms. But some research suggests that not only is the “helicopter parent” threat overstated—one study281 found having an overly involved parent only explains 9 percent of the variation in student well-being—parental involvement in young adult children’s lives can actually be a benefit. Grown children who receive “intense” support from their parents—whether financial or emotional—several times a week were, according to one paper, better adjusted and more satisfied with their lives than grown children who did not receive this kind of support.282

Of course, shielding your children from the impacts of their actions can be a major parenting mistake. But Julia’s parents don’t do that. They both have high-paying jobs, and they could probably afford to simply pay for some of her racing, rather than leave her to hustle for sponsorships. After Julia’s sway bar broke, her father said only, “That’s part of racing,” rather than trying to fight the judges or the team owner. Her family seems to have struck the ideal balance: supporting and encouraging her, but leaving the actual racing to Julia.

I suspect having a cheerleading squad of a family works to Julia’s advantage. At the very least, when the treachery of racing gets to her, Julia can remember that while there may be no one quite like her in racing, there are four people just like her on the sidelines.

Aileen and Sarah

How free you feel in making unique decisions depends in part on whether your environment empowers you to make those decisions. The people I met who had strong support systems—whether through friends, family, or even faith—seemed to have an easier time making pathbreaking choices and sticking with them. Everyone else might have thought they were weird for doing what they were doing, but those opinions didn’t seem to shake them. Like trained sculptors, they seemed tranquil and steady, molding something only they fully understood from the outset.

Most things become more accepted as they grow more common, but single parenthood is the rare phenomenon that remains stigmatized even as it becomes more widespread. In 2010, Pew Research Center reported that seven in ten Americans think the trend toward more single moms is “bad for society,” and the majority of Americans thought children need a mother and father to grow up happily.283