Her posture seemed to crumple at that. I could think of that crumpling in the face of Carol’s withering criticisms. Of struggles in school.

I could have done more back then, maybe. Possibly.

I relented. I turned so I couldn’t even see her in my peripheral vision.

“Can we count on you?” I asked, and my voice was softer. “We need help.”

“No,” she told me.

“No?” I echoed her.

“I’m going to keep talking to Dr. Darnall as long as he’s willing to listen. Even if it’s only for the next two hours. He was telling me about doctors, nurses and burnout, the effects it can have. Um. He said other stuff, it made sense. I can give you guys information if it helps, I have a good mental picture of how a lot of this fits together. But… I think it might be better if I never use my powers ever again.”

“Even to keep that thing you tucked into your bra alive?” I asked her.

There was silence.

I looked at Dr. Darnall, at my mother, at Aunt Sarah, who hung back at the corner, not quite in Amy’s view.

“I fed it to Dot after waking up this morning, while Dr. Darnall was getting coffee and breakfast.”

I looked over at Amy, staring into her eyes.

Had she moved in that instant, or flickered an eye to look at my mom, if she was even in sight, lurking at the corner of a building, or had Amy said a word, I would have used my aura. Full strength, tuned just to include Amy and her pet goblin in its range. I would have explored it and checked to see if it tapped into other feelings.

But she didn’t move a hair.

And I believed her.

I hated that I believed her, but I believed her.

Hated it, because this end result, this particular course of the conversation, with contradictions like me needing her help and me wanting to kill her if she gave up on therapy, or the things I wanted to hear her say, and my unwillingness to believe her if she said those things… This was the only way I could imagine the conversation would have ended where I didn’t kill her before, during, or after the matter of the world ending.

Leaving me with a vague plan and none of the pieces or powers I needed to pull it into place.

I flew away.

Infrared 19.g

The entire damn building was inoffensively room temperature, but the ice cold water from the tap was still a relief. He let his hand sit under the tap for a minute before rubbing the cold water along the back of his neck.