“Family doesn’t mean anything to the agents, Amy. Second triggers don’t follow family lines. They go by association. Who’s closest and who’s most convenient. Do you think Crystal and Eric weren’t vulnerable in the years around their triggers? They triggered too. They were second triggers like you. They had their bad moments. They felt alienated, capes among regular citizens. They had trouble making real friendships. Mark—you know Mark had his own struggles, weaknesses.”

I watched Amy’s expression through Sveta’s eye.

I watched her turn.

Had she been blaming me? For how long?

I typed.

“Talk to someone,” Sveta called out. “Victoria knows someone. She can set you up with an appointment. Tonight. Ignore that little voice that says no or wants to resist. Because it might not be your voice.”

Amy didn’t respond, instead pointing at Seir, at other capes. Directing them back to the station. They obeyed.

Sveta took a few steps to get closer.

“Amy!” Sveta called out.

You almost killed Sveta, I thought. My heart was pounding. I could have spit bile. I swear, if you walk away now, I will kill you.

“Okay,” Amy conceded. Barely audible.

The anger and hatred subsided, and it left me feeling utterly empty. Drained. It had taken everything I had, and if I had to look at Eric’s face, if he gave me that look like ‘we didn’t need you after all’,or if he suspected I had acted, I was going to flip that fucking eighteen foot long table, damn the consequences.

I held my finger to the power button on the computer, like I was crushing out its life. I watched the screen go black, video feed frozen by the shutdown process, and closed the laptop.

I didnt know what to do with myself, and I didn’t trust that what I ended up doing wouldn’t be flipping that table, or punching down a wall until I’d burned out the last of my energy.

But I was aware I was part of a partnership. And I’d be damned if I entertained even the notion that Amy was overcoming her own partner’s pressures, while succumbing to my own.

Nudges, intuitions, feelings.

Influences. I was aware I was acting different, since the connection had come back up. That I had hints, I had benefits. A kind of security. A new kind of vulnerability.

For now, I just had to ensure I remained better than her. That meant saving the world, staying on course, maintaining my own balance.

Thank you, Fragile One, I thought to myself. For the hints and the nudges. I’ll pretend they’re from you, because I can’t keep fighting and hating you. I’m spent.

Short break, and then we have more to do.

Sundown 17.9

I’d crossed the ‘everything is fucked’ threshold, by my personal measure, which was by no means official, considering it came from a fourteen-year-old.