Torch 7.9

“Capricorn, Antares, Tress, Cryptid, and Lookout,” Lord of Loss made the introductions. “This is Nursery, Marquis, Spruce, and Carnassial.”

“Or Carn,” the guy with the toothy bandanna said. “Not Carnie.”

“Ah, name pronunciations,” Marquis said. “I admire those that can reinvent themselves.”

He met my eyes again. Capricorn, too, gave me a glance.

What was I supposed to say or do? Was it better to walk away? Could I afford that weakness?

I hated doubting myself. I hated when the questions and anxiety seeped in. What was supposed to be me moving away from being the overconfident, violent heroine and toward something more measured was twisted by the doubts. It took the same dynamic and same decisions but made them into a loss of confidence and strength, in favor of self-compromise and hesitation.

“Is there a bit of history or something here?” Carn asked.

My head turned, eyes widening. How was I supposed to answer that? How did I frame in one answer something I couldn’t frame in hours of wrestling with my interpretation of things, alone?

“A minor conflict of interest,” Lord of Loss said, “It’s handled.”

The ‘handled’ thing was a point I tripped on.

He wasn’t talking about Marquis and I. The focus was on Capricorn and the three men who had walked away.

“You invited me into your inner circle,” Carn said. “I get that, I’m glad. I think we’ve rewarded your trust with good work.”

“You have,” Lord of Loss said.

“Is there a past history between you and this group? How does that impact the Ferrymen?”

“The only immediate conflict of interest with this team is to do with the community center attack that Nursery and I participated in. Antares. She and I both feel this isn’t a problem. We can do business.”

I was very aware of the way Marquis was watching me. He’d seen how I’d reacted when I thought our relationship had come up. Damn it.

Capricorn spoke up, “There isn’t any connection between me and Lord of Loss, aside from us knowing some of the same people.”

“Our community of powers is a small world,” Nursery said. “Incestuous.”

“I feel the need to speak up,” Marquis said.

No. You asshole.

“Another conflict of interest. I don’t think it should change anything, but I also have something of a connection to Antares.”

“What kind?” Nursery asked.

“A family connection,” Marquis said.

My mouth opened, but the words took a second longer. Lord of Loss took the opportunity to talk over my nonexistent words, “I didn’t know that.”

I used the words I hadn’t been able to find, trying to stay measured when I felt anything but. “I wouldn’t say family. We’re related, and even that is a forced use of the term.”