I try to call my mom—I tell myself it’s not because I’m lonely, it’s just to remind her to send my stuff—but she doesn’t pick up either way. I text her the reminder instead, and she responds surprisingly fast: Can’t talk, out with friends, will call later. I’m not holding my breath, though. She has called exactly once since I’ve been here, and only because she couldn’t find the remote. It’s whatever.

I start to call my sister next but then cancel it. She’s in Boston; she even sent me a snap earlier of her making fishy faces in the aquarium there. Boston’s not too far from here, an hour or two at most, but I have no idea why she’s there.

I pull up her Instagram and click through, anything to keep my mind busy tonight, and ah yes, it’s a charity event sponsored by The Geekery. Makes sense. There she is, smiling with a bunch of sick kids at the New England Aquarium. There she is, posing with Spider-Man in front of a sign that reads SWING INTO ACTION WITH THE GEEKERY CHARITIES. There she is with a glass of champagne, laughing. There she is, visiting a hospital with Captain America earlier that day. I can’t decide if I feel better that she’s close if I need her, or worse that she’s this close and not here.

Regardless, it’s not her fault. I’m not her responsibility. A new picture appears right before I click off, a selfie of her pointing at the penguins in the enclosure behind her with an overdramatic “wow” face. I’m just about to leave a comment about what a massive nerd she is when a text pops up on my phone.

PEAK: Bats!

I stare down at the words on my screen like a deer in the headlights. And oh shit. This feels wrong somehow. Like sharing crab rangoon changed everything, and now it’s all different and confusing.

donttextbackdontdontdont

ME: Peak!

imgoingtohell

PEAK: Oh good, so you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere.

You really did just abandon me.

And okay, even with the emoji at the end, the idea that she felt remotely abandoned, kidding or not, just sucks. It sucks even more because I was right in front of her yesterday and couldn’t say anything. And I kind of hate that. I don’t want her to feel like that ever.

ME: I didn’t abandon you

PEAK: You haven’t texted me in forever

ME: I was working.

Okay, it’s not technically a lie, but.

PEAK: Likely story.

Be cool, Ridley. Steer this away from work. It’s too fucked up.

ME: Cross my heart.

PEAK: Still doing promo for Satan’s Comics?

ME: No, something new. Just started.

shitshitshitshitshit