“Well, not lucky,” she says, but then she scrunches up her face. “No, it is lucky. You were both very, very lucky. What were you thinking, Ridley? Dammit.” She stands up and slams her coffee on the tray hard enough that some of it splashes out. “Why didn’t you call me? I would have done something. You promised me you always would. You swore!”

I clear my throat, and when she looks at me, her eyes are glassy. I hate that I keep hurting everyone I love. “I don’t know. I didn’t think you would understand.”

“What?” she shouts.

“Dad’s so different with you. I didn’t want you to know how he really is, at least with me.”

“I see a lot more than you give me credit for. I should have done something sooner. I just hoped . . . You’re not dealing with this alone. We’ll go back to Washington together. We’ll—”

“I can’t go back there, Grayson.” I hesitate, searching for the words. “Whatever’s wrong with me, Mom and Dad both make it so much worse.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“There is.”

She sits back down and grabs my hand. “It’s different, harder maybe, I don’t know. But it’s not wrong, okay? So don’t say that.”

I shrug, because I want to believe her so much, but I don’t.

“I was already looking at apartments in Boston. I’ll get a two-bedroom; you can stay with me.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I squeeze my eyes shut, because I know, I know that’s not enough. And I don’t want to screw up anybody else’s life.

“I want to.”

“I think I need help, Gray. Like more than you can give.”

“Okay,” she says, her voice sort of quiet and love soaked. “You’ll get it, Ridley, whatever you need. We’re going to work on this together, you and me. I don’t even want to see Dad after some of the things he said, and Mom didn’t even fly out.”

“What did he—” I start to say, and then catch myself. “I don’t want to know.”

“Just, don’t ever pull this again, okay? I’ll—I’ll teach you to drive myself. I’ll buy us a car. Whatever you need. I’m gonna be there. Just don’t make me see you banged up like this again.”

“Promise?” I ask through my tears.

She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Promise.”

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

PEAK: I’m glad you’re okay and I love you, but I can’t do this anymore.

BATS: I know.

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

Jubilee

“CAN I TALK to her?”

Jayla is at the door, blocking the entrance, but his voice still cuts through me, making me ache in places that I wish it didn’t.