‘She’s hysterical,’ Barky said. ‘What in God’s name is it?’

‘Laudanum.’

Barky gave one of his snorts. He was right not to believe her.

‘Give it here,’ he said, and when Ellen hesitated he snatched it off her, tipped a little on to the back of his hand and inhaled it like snuff.

‘That’s no laudanum. What is it, eighty per cent pure? Christ knows what effect it will have on her. Take it away. I don’t want to see it here again.’

Ellen took it back and put it into her bag.

‘I’m ready to go on now,’ I said.

It was true. I’d felt lethargic before, worried about the faces of the audience and what I might see in them. Now I didn’t care. Everything was hazy, like I was floating. As down as I’d felt before, I was closer to joy now. I couldn’t have said why. It was just me and Amazonia together, and I made one of her trademark leaps. The dressing room wasn’t big enough for it really, but though I stubbed my toe on one of the painted boards I felt no pain. It was like nothing could touch me.

‘See, Barky. I’m ready to do her dance,’ I said.

‘I bet, but I’m not letting you. Not in this state. You’re going to go home, Zillah. Sleep it off tonight; you’re not due back again until Friday. When I see you then, I’m expecting you to be on top form and we’ll say nothing more about this.’

He turned to Ellen. ‘You won’t go telling tales to the boss either, or I’ll see to it he knows about your little bottle there.’

She flounced out. Barky gripped my shoulders. It was almost painful.

‘You need to clean up your act, girl, and fast. Headliner or no, you won’t last too long if you can barely stand up straight. Turning up late to rehearsals and now this. I expected better from you.’

He put his face in mine and sniffed.

‘Gin, too? Sit down a minute. I’m going to need to think of the best way to deal with this.’

Yes, there had been gin. I remembered now. A tumbler. There’d been a big order from the brewery and there wasn’t room for it all behind the bar so a few extra cases had been stored in our dressing room.

I sat down on the floor. Before the flats. The meadow one was uppermost, with its rolling hills and dots of pink and yellow flowers.

‘Vincent was supposed to take me, but we didn’t make it. Stayed in London instead. The Leopard Lady, she was dancing. Crillick’s party – you remember it?’

Barky’s face was worried.

‘They were going to strip the skin off her, Barky.’