I stood and threw my arms around him. We’d disagreed but he’d been a true friend to me in these past few weeks. I was going to miss him. Awkwardly he stroked my hair.

‘There now. No need to cry. It’s a big step you’re taking. I don’t judge you for it. You’re braver than I am.’

‘You could come with us,’ I said into his shoulder, my words muffled with tears.

Barky patted my head.

‘No, Zillah. You’re not the only one who made a choice.’

‘Are you going to tell me about your mistress?’ I said. If I was leaving anyway, he might as well satisfy my long-held curiosity.

For a moment Barky looked as if he was weighing how much to say. Then he snorted. ‘There’s no mistress, Zillah. There never has been.’

‘But all your gifts, and the nights you’ve stayed out? Who is she, Barky?’

‘There’s no woman in my life. I won’t say any more than that. I can’t.’

I didn’t know what he meant by it, but he refused to say more. He moved into the next room. I heard him at his ablutions and prepared myself to sleep by the fire, a little irritated that he hadn’t wanted to share his secret after we’d become so close. For once I couldn’t quite get comfy in the chair, but it was only for one more night, my last night in England. The voyage across the sea would be far harder than this.

At least you’ll have Lucien, I told myself. Even as it struck me the thought was no longer the comfort I wanted it to be.

XXXII

A Scene at Embankment

The last time I was at Embankment I’d collapsed after searching for Nosizwe. I didn’t know where she was now. It was best that I didn’t, but there was a contentment in knowing that she and her child were safe.

‘Do you think that’s my boat there?’

Barky looked in the direction of my pointed finger.

‘Best hope not. The sails could do with a mend.’

He was right. When I looked again, I saw that the great swathes of cloth bore rents and gashes.

‘Would pirates have caused that?’

‘A storm, more like. You all right, girl?’ Barky asked. I’d stopped. ‘You look a bit green.’

‘I am doing the right thing, aren’t I?’

‘Not this again. Right or not, you’ve said you will so you might as well get on with it.’

‘There’s another reason why you don’t like him, isn’t there? It’s not just because he knew you were, you know …’

‘It’s almost time, Zillah,’ Barky said.