A’ve only drank half ma bottle yit n take another healthy tan. A heavy bangin beat blasts on tae the system. Dark Oscillators, ‘Nobody is Perfect (Original Threesome Mix)’. Wit a fuckin eld school sound it is. Pure constant bassline beat wae the treble gawn young skitzo Dardie. The beat draps n A sniff a line aff Eck’s mirror. It’s good stuff, goes right tae yir fuckin nut n A’m dancin aboot gawn mental. A light a fag n it tastes like heaven, smooth smoke slidin doon the hatch n ma numb mooth n teeth tinglin. Cocaine en route tae the brain. Caffeine keeps me chargin, marchin powder keeps me dancin. Still the beats ir bangin.

A’m the only wan dancin on the floor but A don’t fuckin care. A’m ravin wae ma hands n feet n it feels dyno. Class A drugs wid dae that tae yi. The wine’s kickin in n Big Kenzie bounces up wae me. The two ae us ir goin fur it, dancin like fuck. ‘Hard house music makes me horny,’ the lassie on the track is sayin n A’m bouncin when that beat draps. The two lassies ir dancin wae us noo. Patricia n Monica ir both in wee hotpants n lumi taps. A’m watchin them n they’re watchin me n A feel wan ae their hands roon ma waist n it feels good. Showtek, ‘Green Stuff’ comes on, Big Kenzie n Eck’s favourite. They’re shoutin like fuck n singing,

‘I WANNA PUFF PUFF,

SOME OF THE DUTCH STUFF!

I WANNA PUFF PUFF,

GIVE ME THE GREEN GREEN STUFF!’

The bass kicks in n the whole flat vibrates n A kin make oot a neighbour chappin the wall like fuck again. Me n Monica’s laughin away n we sit on the couch. Patricia sits doon next tae me on the other side. Big Kenzie bounces on tae the armchair opposite. ‘Where’s Gemma, Azzy?’ Patricia asks us, as she crosses her long legs n lights a Lambert & Butler.

‘She’s no comin! We’ve finished.’

‘How’s that then?’ Monica says, lightin wan up tae.

‘Cos she’s a boring eld wuman!’ Patricia shouts.

‘Did yees finish bad?’

‘Naw, we’re still pals, just ran its course n aw that.’

‘She’s too eld fur yi anyway, son!’

‘Gemma’s lookin fur a quiet cunt wae a good job n a fancy motor. Goes tae the clubs n aw that. No a fuckin bam like me.’

‘Aw well, her loss!’ Monica says.

‘Exactly, hen,’ Patricia agrees wae a wink.

‘Ahh yooz ir bias!’

The two ae them cuddle me, one fae each side, n A see Big Kenzie raisin his eyebrows n winkin. A gee him the finger. ‘Wee Azzy the playaaa!’ He’s shoutin, dancin aboot.

‘Jealousy doesnae become yi, Tam!’

‘A’ll bite that wee finger aff yi. GEES IT!’ he shouts, divin on top ae us aw.

Dirt Devils, ‘The Drill’ comes on n the livin room goes mental. Everycunt is up on their feet n drinks ir gittin kicked everywhere. Addison’s sittin wasted wae his heed in his hands after five black cans ae Strongbow Super. Too much, too soon on rave day is a fuckin no-no. A knew these fuckin heed bangers wid be hammerin it aw day. They aw came doon too early n ir aw mega fucked noo before the actual thing’s even started. Four ae us ir sittin on the three-seater couch. Eck’s still sniffin Patsys aff the mantelpiece. ‘Wit wan ae yees is geein ma pal Azzy a kiss then?’ Big Kenzie shouts tae Monica n Patricia. A’m shakin ma heed. He’s buzzin oot his nut on the ching, talkin romantic.