Stacey’s tryin tae look ragin. There’s a wee smile anaw but, cos A know she’s happy tae see me really. She’s just dain the inevitable big cousin bit, which is tae be expected. A’m surprised tae see hur sittin rollin a joint. It’s a disappointment n it strikes me that ma big cuz might no huv moved on as far as she ought tae. We’re sittin in hur flat, a nice wan-bedroom in the town centre, private-let in a new block. Stacey looks elder. She’s lost the layer ae foundation n hur blonde highlights ir gone anaw. Hur hair is back tae its natural dark brunette n wae a straight fringe cut in. She’s sittin in an oversized knitted jumper n skinny jeans. ‘Your hair’s lookin long!’ she says. It isnae really.

‘Aye well, A wisnae gittin a fuckin short back n whallop doon there. Tryin tae be stylish n aw that, know? Didnae realise yi wur still smokin that bad dope!’

‘Aye, A started again, never really stopped.’

‘Yi should git aff that shit.’

She rolls her eyes. ‘Enough aboot me, anyway. Wit are yi doin back up here, son?’

‘Seein ma favourite cousin, of course.’

‘Yi know what A mean. We’ve no seen yi up here fur three years n the day yi just text n turn up at nine o’clock in the mornin at ma front door.’

‘Me n Patricia’s finished, sah A’ve naewhere else tae go.’

‘So you’re just goin to turn up after three years away n say … awright, troops, wit yees been upty?’

‘Fuck knows. Just fur the summer n A’m away again.’

‘Away where?’

‘Somewhere, fuckin anywhere away fae here. Away fae you!’

‘Aye right, you’ve been missin yir big cuz, wee man! You better watch, by the way. They’re all goin to think you’ve sloped them, n yir old pals fae the Toi will be glad tae hear you’re back.’

‘Aye, tell me suhin A don’t know.’

‘How come you n Barbie finished anyway? In fact, she was more Sindy – cheaper, know?’

There wis nae fatal spark, nae catalyst fur ma departure, but the slow passin ae days n realisation ae more wasted time. It’s the dreams ae suhin different that makes yi feel it, a beyond A cannae quite make oot yit. When yi hear how other young folk spent their time, aw those experiences n adventures, the feelin ae lost time hits us hard. How kin yi explain that sadness inside tae cunts who huv never conceived ae it? We just chased the buzz that much that we furgot tae live in between.

‘Just cos.’

‘Fine then! Well yi can stay here the night if yi want …’

‘Nah, cheers anyway, cuz. A don’t want tae put yi oot n besides, A needty face the music n tell ma maw A’m back up the road wae nae job, nuhin. Don’t worry aboot us, A’m no daft. A’m no plannin tae go n start a war wae they dafties. A’m gonnae go n see Big Kenzie n see wit’s happnin.’