She thinks about the last time she saw Bryce, when she made Julian drive her home so she could pick up a dress she wanted to wear to Post Malone that night, and Cam and Wendy were supposed to be not at home but they were at home anyway, but Dawn was pretty stoned and really wanted that dress, so she tried to sneak in and grab it without anyone noticing, and the whole plan backfired when Cam came out of the bathroom and saw her and said her name and then Wendy came rushing out into the living room to try to stop her from leaving, and a scuffle ensued and a loud altercation, and Wendy grabbed Dawn’s arm and Dawn wrenched it away, and then Wendy grabbed the dress and Dawn screamed something mean at her and Wendy screamed something just as mean back, and there was Cam trying to step in between them, trying to break it up, Cam sticking his nose into family business where he wasn’t welcome, as always. And then Dawn broke loose and just as she ran out the door she caught sight of Bryce in the corner, looking up from the book he’d been trying to read on the couch, and he was staring at Dawn with such, like, sadness and distress that it nearly stopped Dawn dead, shocked her so bad that she wanted to turn around and go running to him and wrap him up in a hug and apologize for being such a bitch and for messing up the family so much; she wanted to tell him she was coming back home and she was staying this time, and everything was going to be fine, was going to be wonderful again like it was when they were kids.

But she didn’t, of course. She turned her back on her brother and ran out the front door and down the steps to where Julian was waiting in his Jeep, and Julian peeled off as Cam and Wendy watched from the doorway, and Dawn settled into the shotgun seat with the dress in her lap and she didn’t look back.

And the worst part: somehow when Wendy and Dawn were fighting they’d torn the fabric, so Dawn didn’t even get to wear the dress to the show that night. She’d thrown it in the back of Julian’s closet instead and never looked at it again, and it’s probably still there now, buried under trash and dirty laundry, waiting to never be worn again.

Dawn thinks about a lot while she’s hiking. But she never thinks about her dad.

She just can’t.

Chapter 17