What Dawn does remember, though, is that—before things got too heavy—she threw up. It was gross. It was whiskey and movie popcorn and, like, M&M’s. Plus Wendy’s famous tuna casserole and the school cafeteria’s mystery meat.

And it was everywhere.

Needless to say, that put a dent in the party.

Contestant No. 3 immediately fell out of love. Scott threw a fit. And Dawn decided it was probably in her best interest to leave.

Now, Dawn’s father was a sensible parent.

“I know there are going to be parties when you get to high school,” he’d told Dawn and Bryce. “And I know that some kids are going to experiment with alcohol.”

(He said it in that dad way where it’s immediately uncool and mortifying, but the message was on point.)

“I just want you to know,” he told Dawn and Bryce, “that if you’re ever stranded somewhere and you need a ride home, we’ll come get you.”

“No questions, no judgment,” he told Dawn and Bryce.

“Anytime, day or night.”

Chapter 91

IF SHE’D CALLED for a taxi, Dawn would still have a father.

If she’d taken the bus, or just crashed on Scott’s front steps.

If she hadn’t had so much whiskey, and just been a good daughter.

If she’d done literally anything else, her dad would still be alive.

Chapter 92

DAWN’S FATHER Did the Right Thing.

Without hesitation.

He answered the phone when Dawn called him, and he told her he’d be there to get her in a couple of minutes, and he ended the call and picked up his car keys and set out to find her.

He didn’t find Dawn.

He never made it to Scott’s house.

The police told Dawn and Wendy and Bryce that the guy who ran the red light had a blood alcohol concentration more than twice the legal limit.

They told Wendy her husband was dead in an instant.

The other driver walked away from the crash and straight into the back of a Sacramento PD cruiser.

He went to jail for a while, but he’s alive.

Dawn never saw her father again.

Except on nights like this, when she’s guilty.

And she doesn’t have anything strong enough to chase the guilt away.

Chapter 93

EVENTUALLY, DAWN FALLS ASLEEP.

It takes a long time and she’s not even sure how it happens, and it’s likely she wouldn’t even realize she’d fallen asleep except that something happens to make Dawn suddenly very conscious of the fact she’s awake.

Like she was lying there in a dream state of cold and wetness, some kind of trance, without ever realizing she’d drifted off.

It’s only when she comes back to the crevice that Dawn realizes she was gone.

Because wherever Dawn was a few moments ago, she was there alone. In her head, in her thoughts.