“He doesn’t wake up thinking about me at all.”

And how my heart crashed when Ethan told me why he was playing baseball.

“I do want to play. Want to know why? Because I told Dad I would. I want him to see what it’s like for someone to follow through on their promises.”

“I’m going to say one more thing,” I say. “Ethan is getting older, and there will come a time soon that I can’t smudge reality for you. He’s going to see right through it, and that’s going to be on you. Not me.”

“It’s always on me. I’m always the fuckup. Just ask you.”

Even though he can’t see me, I shrug. It’s all I can do.

“Make it right while you can,” I say.

“Ha. There’s a solution. You’re finally offering a solution.” He laughs angrily. “I think this is the first time that you’ve ever actually proposed a problem and then a potential solution. Of course, it’s because I’m a loser, according to you. But it’s a solution nonetheless.”

I sigh. “Are you done here? Like, do I need to come by and pick up anything of Ethan’s at your place? Or do you want to swing by and tell him goodbye?”

“I’m already on the road. I cleared everything out last night. He didn’t have anything there.”

That’s telling.

“He’s at school, right?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Well, tell him his dad loves him. Thanks for making me feel like a deadbeat, Palm.”

“Jared . . . whatever.”

The line goes dead.

I sink against the car and close my eyes. The corners of my world start to shrink. My insides constrict like I’m being strapped back into the same roller coaster that I keep finding myself in and can’t seem to avoid.

Please don’t let this break Ethan’s heart.

I press off the car and head back toward the office with a slower pace than I walked out here with. I have too much work to do to stand in the cold and ruminate over Jared’s ineptitude.

But the fact that Ethan has been so happy lately does dull my gloominess a bit and gives me hope that maybe he’ll have something to distract him from the news that his dad has left without saying goodbye.

The image of his little face as he wrapped the rubber bands around his glove last night boosts my spirits.

Maybe Jared signing him up for baseball was a gift, after all.

My brain makes the quick, natural transition from baseball to Cole. That’s the final shot of adrenaline to my heart that I needed. Cole might not be a solution to anything, but at least the pizza night tonight is something to look forward to.