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Chapters (50)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. COPYRIGHT PAGE
  3. DEDICATION
  4. CONTENTS
  5. CHAPTER ONE PALMER
  6. CHAPTER TWO PALMER
  7. CHAPTER THREE COLE
  8. CHAPTER FOUR PALMER
  9. CHAPTER FIVE PALMER
  10. CHAPTER SIX PALMER
  11. CHAPTER SEVEN COLE
  12. CHAPTER EIGHT PALMER
  13. CHAPTER NINE PALMER
  14. CHAPTER TEN PALMER
  15. CHAPTER ELEVEN COLE
  16. CHAPTER TWELVE PALMER
  17. CHAPTER THIRTEEN PALMER
  18. CHAPTER FOURTEEN COLE
  19. CHAPTER FIFTEEN COLE
  20. CHAPTER SIXTEEN PALMER
  21. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN COLE
  22. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN PALMER
  23. CHAPTER NINETEEN PALMER
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY COLE
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE PALMER
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO PALMER
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE PALMER
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR COLE
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE PALMER
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX COLE
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN PALMER
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT PALMER
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE COLE
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY PALMER
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE PALMER
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO COLE
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE PALMER
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR COLE
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE PALMER
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX COLE
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN PALMER
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT COLE
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE PALMER
  44. CHAPTER FORTY COLE
  45. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE PALMER
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO COLE
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE PALMER
  48. EPILOGUE PALMER
  49. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  50. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I sit next to him, my confidence waffling, and look into his eyes. They tell me everything I need to know.

I’m fucked.

He doesn’t want me.

He doesn’t want us.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR COLE

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

COLE

I wait for the exhale.

My body, my emotions—they’re all weirdly detached from reality. Maybe it’s some kind of self-preservation mode that I’ve activated. If so, I’m grateful.

It’s like I’ve forgotten how to breathe. I need to release the air in my lungs and fill them again or else I’m going to pass out, but the idea of blacking out and forgetting that I just heard her say all those things does seem preferable to dealing with reality.

“Between work, raising the son that we share that you seem to forget about until it behooves you, and trying to keep my mental health from tanking, I can’t take care of anyone else.”

“When do I get to prioritize me? When do I get to be the main character of my life? Because I’d like to know.”

“I can’t take care of another fucking person right now.”

What the hell do I do with that? How can I even consider becoming another burden on her life?

Palmer sits beside me and curls her legs beneath her. I see the trepidation in her eyes, and I hate myself for it. Because I put that there. I gave her a reason to doubt me.

I know what she thought I was going to say when I got here. I practically told her that I wanted to try a relationship with her last night. And that’s exactly what I was going to do when I arrived this afternoon. I was going to tell her about my diagnosis, tell her my plans to stay in Bloomfield, and tell her that I wanted to try something serious with her . . . and with Ethan.

That’s all changed.

If there’s one thing I hate more than anything, it’s selfishness. It’s the player on the team who tries to hit a home run instead of moving the runners around the bases. It’s the guy who has one girl who thinks the world of him, yet he sleeps around with half the city. It’s the guy who can’t hold his temper and gets tossed for a few games, putting the rest of his team at a disadvantage.

If I tell her what I came here to tell her—that I’m falling madly in love with her—I would be doing that, knowing how she feels.

That she doesn’t have the bandwidth to take care of anyone else.

I can’t be that guy. I won’t.