His hands come together in front of him as if he’s in prayer. He shakes his head in disbelief.

I climb off the bed. But as I start toward him, he backs away.

“Honey, I know you liked him. I did too. And he liked us. A lot. He hated to have to go . . .”

He tries to speak, but something goes wrong and he coughs instead.

“I know this sucks,” I say, my voice breaking despite my best efforts against it.

“Yeah.” He bows his head. “I’m gonna go back to Sandbox’s.”

“Do you want me to get your glove out of the car?” I ask.

He smiles at me. It’s not one of joy or happiness. It’s one that crushes whatever I have left of my spirit.

“Nah, I’m good,” he says. “Bye, Val. Bye, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you too,” I whisper.

I don’t chase him down the hallway like I want to. I don’t think that’s in either of our best interests.

Damn you, Cole.

“Do you want me to go talk to . . . Sandbox’s mom?” Val asks.

“I’ll text her in a minute,” I say, staring at the spot my son’s just vacated. “I just . . . This is what I wanted to avoid all along.”

“I know.”

“And I failed.”

I take my phone off the bed and type out a quick message to Sandbox’s mom. Because my eyes are blurry and my head is a mess, I have Val double-check it and hit “Send.”

Then I fall back against the bed as the tears form again and cry myself to sleep.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX COLE

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

COLE

I hold my head in my hands. Either it’s heavier than I’ve noticed or my hands are weaker. Either way, I sit on the edge of the bed in my parents’ guest room and try to talk myself off a ledge.

How could things have been so perfect this morning and such a clusterfuck this evening?

The recent memory of making a list of things to accomplish so I could move to Bloomfield, and be with Palmer, stings.

God, why does it have to be this way?

This hurts more than any sports injury. It’s more painful than any public humiliation of striking out in a big game. Losing Palmer is a hurt that I’m quite sure is never going to heal.

How can someone I just met mean so much to me in such a short time?

I never expected that it was possible, or else I wouldn’t have gotten involved with her. Sure, she was pretty and sweet and feisty. Innocent with a slightly hardened edge. But I could’ve, I would’ve, overlooked all that if I’d known this would be the end result.