“Yeah, she was pretty swamped today. Give her a day or two, and I’m sure she’ll have it to you. By the middle of next week at the latest.” Papers shuffle in the background. “We still have the podcast deal sitting here, waiting on a response. Have you given that any more thought?”

I hang my head and walk aimlessly around a large pine tree.

“I have,” I say honestly. “But I’d like to give it a few more weeks and really think it through.”

Scott sighs. “Cole, I understand that you have a lot going on and a lot of decisions to make in this new season of your life.”

You have no idea.

“But, like I’ve told you since we first discussed your retirement—which, I will remind you, happened practically overnight, with no forewarning—your chances of securing something lucrative are highest in the immediate days and weeks following the announcement. Cole, we’re already going on month three here—”

“I know. As you said, we’ve discussed this several times, and you’ve made it clear that I need to pull the trigger on something.”

Like I pay you to do.

“But there are a couple of things still up in the air that affect my decisions, and I just don’t have all the information yet.”

“And you still choose not to fill me in on those pieces of the puzzle?”

“That’s correct.”

My jaw pulses as I think about those puzzle pieces and how fucking helpless I feel. It’s like standing in the batter’s box, amped up and prepped to hit a home run, and having to wait as the opposing side changes pitchers. All I can do is wait.

How is this even my life?

My stomach sinks. A fire boils in my gut, threatening to spew the negativity that simmers just below the surface. I can’t deal with all this—the questions from Scott, the uncertainty of my life, the what-ifs that come to meet me every night as the sun dips below the horizon.

It’s not like me to take this approach to problems. I’ve always met challenges head-on, armed with information and preparation and a game plan to slay the beast, whatever it may be.

But this time? This time it’s not up to me.

“I understand that, Cole. I really do,” Scott says. “And I want you to take your time. I want you to make the right choice for you and your family. Well, you don’t have a family, so that should make your choice that much easier.”

What the fuck?