I unbuckle my seat belt and kill the engine. Instead of climbing out of the car, I sit and stare into the beautiful morning sky.

“What if I lose my life jacket somewhere?” I ask, my voice hollow. “What if this gamble I take doesn’t pay off, and I have to call you tonight in tears?”

And have to break Ethan’s heart—because that’s what it will be. He’s fallen in love with Cole too.

The realization freezes me in my seat. I’m in love with him.

Holy shit.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry—to be amazed or ashamed.

I went and fell in love with him.

My insides push and pull in such a frenzy that I think I’m going to be sick. I hold a hand over my mouth and try not to puke.

“You haven’t breathed in, like, a solid thirty seconds,” Val notes.

I let out a rush of air. “I’m fucked, aren’t I?”

“No, you aren’t. As a matter of fact, I think what you’re feeling is happiness, and you’re afraid of it.”

“I’m afraid of being happy?” I drop my hand. “I think that’s impossible.”

“Probably for everyone except for you.” She laughs. “Every time you’ve been happy in your life, someone has made it their mission to destroy you. You have a fear of being happy because you expect the disappointment—the destruction—that always follows. It’s not hard to believe. It’s science.”

Why does this make so much sense?

Val sighs. “You’ve been so happy lately. I’ve heard you laugh more than I’ve heard you laugh in your entire life. And you’ve basically been ignoring me, so the sex must be good.”

I shake my head and smile.

“Give him a chance, Palm. Don’t go into this conversation holding a match to burn the whole thing down just because you saw him at the gas station. Do you get what I mean? Did that analogy make sense?”

I laugh. “No, it did not.”

“You know what I mean. Don’t twist the happiness into something ugly just because you expect it. Give him a chance to surprise you.”

He has surprised me. Every day.

I have been happy. That’s what this feeling is. I wasn’t sure that I would ever feel this way. The closest I’ve ever gotten to this was the day Ethan was born. But even that day was filled with an anxiety that Jared wouldn’t be present. He said he would, but I already knew better than to put a lot of stock in the things he said.

But this isn’t like that.