‘I’m not going, Esther. Believe me, I want to…’ Lucas gulped, hardly able to believe himself what he was saying. ‘There is nothing I want more, in fact, but I couldn’t live with myself if…’ He groaned. ‘Yes, he’s managing, and obstinate, but it’s clear he’s seriously unwell and some extra help needs to be put in place.’

‘Oh, Lucas.’ Her eyes were glassy, but she was smiling.

‘I’ll speak to Iris. But, Esther, there’s another thing…’ Lucas hesitated, uncertain until this moment that he was ready to tell her. ‘It looks as if Heidi and I are back on, which is another reason to thank you… because…’

‘I know the because, Lucas. I am pleased for you, truly.’

While Esther settled herself behind the wheel, Lucas put his head inside the car to explain his decision to Lily and Dylan, kissing them both and promising he would see them in a few days. After recovering his bag from the boot, he stood and watched the car climb steadily out of the valley, giving it a last wave as it reached the crest before heading back into the house.

HOMECOMING

47

Esther managed not to cry until she was in her own hallway. She lunged at Chico for comfort, promptly causing the animal to scuttle back into the kitchen. Dropping her bags, she lowered herself onto the hall floor, surrendering to the tears that had been building ever since the children had scrambled out of the car while she’d hovered in the station taxi rank, shouting their love-yous and goodbyes as they tore off into the early afternoon dark.

It had been so much fun in the car with the pair of them, in high spirits, chattering to each other, and to Esther’s parents, put on speaker for a group call by Lily. Christmas gifts awaited them all, Astrid had cried, applying pressure for them to head to Amersham there and then, while Esther had insisted – to the background of grateful face-pulling by her offspring – that they were exhausted and maybe something could be arranged for New Year’s Eve. On her own, no doubt, Esther suspected, her spirits dipping even as she made the offer, since there had already been chat about a Cambridge fireworks party, to which Dylan might get an invite, Lily had teased, if Matteo agreed and he played his cards right.

‘I like having the both of you,’ she had told them, as the countdown to the drop-off had drawn near. ‘Can we do more of it, do you think? From time to time?’

‘Sure,’ they chorused, with a heartfelt intent that Esther knew was no guarantee of making it happen. They had so much going on in their lives, and that was how it should be.

‘With Dad?’ Lily ventured.